The grass isn't greener.

You know it's easy to say...

'lucky cow, wish I had an opportunity like that, you wouldn't hear me moaning, it can't be THAT bad, you've got the sunshine, your family are healthy, why are you complaining so much'

go on I know that's what some of you are thinking

'how hard can it be to open a bank account and rent a house and buy a car? We've all done it, moved that is....had the trauma's of something getting broken, the chain falling through, it raining on removal day, an outstanding bill we forgot to pay, something we left behind, the kids playing up, having to settle them into a new school, coupled with your Partner starting a new job'

Well let me tell you it's very hard.....

There isn't a manual on moving to the other side of the world...there was endless help from family and friends in the UK prior to us leaving, you remember how stressful it was...but there was NOBODY here when we arrived...there are many of you that have done it and you have all been fantastic....seriously the advice I've had in a moment of crisis has been amazing, the phone calls, emails and tweets have kept me going....but even then each move abroad for each family is different, some of you are packed up and shipped out to a new home and life but your companies, some of you have done it all by yourselves, some of you have done it numerous times and there's nothing that you coould have told me that would have made it any easier.....

'So what's your biggest problem then, Suzanne?'

Well we're all speaking the same language...sometimes, but I really struggle with the accents, especially over the phone and it seems to be the way here that if you say you don't understand, they just raise their voice, which doesn't actually help....explaining that you're English and don't understand how things work here, isn't really helping either....the response of 'well you did these things in the UK didn't you?' doesn't actually mean anything, because unless you understand how things are done in the UK you can't understand how very, very different they are done here.

'So what can we do to help you?'

To be honest, nothing, you're not here, you don't have a clue any more than I do about how you sort things out, your impression of the country is one of sunshine, crime and violence, you don't really know it's still a 3rd world country, the poverty, yet the friendliness of the people, the racism directed at the English and the Domestic staff, (still called servants by many) the slow pace of the country and no you can't compare it to a sleepy English market town or Sunday afternoon drivers...you have to live here to understand....

So come and visit, see this fantastic lifestyle we have, keep me company for two weeks, let me drive you around the Safari parks and the nature reserves and take you shopping in this safe and beautiful country....but you won't see the troubles, the fear we felt on arrival, experience the loneliness because we'll be together, having a laugh and a fun time.....

If you don't want my comment don't post in my timeline

I don't just link this blog to twitter...I have a lot of family and friends that read our adventures in South Africa, the only comments I recieve are if they think I've mentioned them in a negative light or they don't agree with my opinion....but for those of you that tweet, you'll know I talk about all sort of stuff that doesn't make it onto the blog as it's usaully 'in reply' to comments on twitter or when a topic has really wound me up and I need more than 140 characters...well here's my latest rant....

I can't read your DM's, I can't see you emails and I'm not privvy to your text messages, phone calls or face to face meetings....If you post a comment on twitter or even facebook for that matter, you will recieve a reation, people will either agree with you in which case you'll gain new followers and friends and you'll gush at the responses, you'll thank people for their help and support and you'll blog 'I knew I was a good mummy' but if you get a negative response or an honest response or someone suggests a way to do something that you just don't like...you'll unfollow, you'll get upset, you'll post 'revenge' comments, you'll gather support from the first lot, who without any investigation will take your side and join in with the 'oh, just ignore them' 'who do they think they are'

I saw a few tweets that caused me great concern, I was worried for the individuals safety and the welfare of their young children, I suspected Post Natal Depression and asked a few people on twitter via DM for some advice...I was a family support worker for many years and yes I am qualified not to make a diagnosis but when to know something just isn't right...well I made a suggestion...stop tweeting and go see your doctor, midwife, husband, parents...yoou need help and twitter isn't giving you what you need..it's just telling you 'you're ok, carry on you're doing a marvellous job as a mummy'

they blocked me, told me to mind my own business... dont fucking put it on twitter then in the public timeline...but mission complete...they were away from twitter for a while, returned and announced they had PND and now in the process of trwatment and therapy and thanking everyone on twitter for their kind words...they haven't unblocked me, but I do wish those that said 'carry on' had said the right words instead of what they just thought the other person needed to hear.

oh and for those of you that do join in with the assination of someone who showed genuine concern, please read the whole conversation (in reply to ) before you jump on the bandwagon.

I'll not lie

3 months ago when we arrived in Jo'burg I was bloody petrified....and all for no reason at all.... not one person had anything positive to say about this beautiful country, granted most of the information we recieved was from South Africans now living in the UK, foolishly we believed they moved because it was too dangerous, and now we discover it isn't at all....
Ok so we live in a secure estate and we're half way between Jo'burg and Pretoria and not really in a tourist or dangerous area....but there are townships, nearby, the sat nav warns me as I approach a high crime area, basically every set of Robots, exit or entrance slip road....I drive at night, been out without a satnav and only a rough idea of where I'm going....I've walked from mall to mall and I've even stopped and given people a lift....but there are areas I won't go, there are routes I wouldn't pick anyone up on (usually give women a lift from the estate to the train station on the school run)....I keep my mobile in my front trouser pocket, I now carry a handbag which is secured under my seat when driving and crossed over my chest when I'm shopping. If I'm walking I carry the bare minimum in my pockets (no outward show of valuables to be robbed) I go into bars and cafes on my own and chat with people, I'm now more assertive in telling the gardener and the pool guy what I want doing and how....I'm embrassing the lifestyle here and loving it....

Who would've thought it?

Guess you know the story by now, but 6 months ago we were ticking along nicely in the UK, kids in school, Dan in his final year, Alex in his first at secondary, Jamie left home and moved to Reading, Andrew based in Germany waiting for his call up to Afghan and Steph settled over in Gloucester....fantastic support from family and very dear friends. Peter in his 25th year with the company and more and more opportunities to travel and I was at the start of a promising career in Child Welfare, some part time lecturing and nearing the end of my degree in Psychology and Criminology.

Then one day back in October, Peter and Alex came to pick me up from work one and blurted out 'We've just had a call, how do you fancy moving to South Africa?'

3 months later we left the UK and arrived at Jo'burg airport, now 3 months on, kids are settled in school, Peter still travelling, already been to Cape Town and Port Elizabeth and back to the UK via a conferance in Lisbon. We all went to Durban when Jamie came to visit, Andrew due out soon, my parents in June and Peter's mum and sister in July. I'm still studying for my degree and life in general couldn't get any better...there have been some low points (see previous blogs) but we've moved on now and ready and more prepared for the next challenge.

that's it we're here to stay

They came and collected all the boxes today...so I guess that's it...we now live in South Africa, UK house rented for a year, so nowhere to return to now anyway...and we're loving it.

Is there anything you want?

PG Tips and Pork sausages

I'll let you know when I need more Tea..at the moment I have 2 parcels in transit with thanks to facebook friends Suzi and Becks....and I've instructed my parents to bring some with them when they come out in June....please don't send sausages though.....

Just post, that's all, drop me a line and let me know how you're doing..it's my lifeline and I can't get enough of it...please excuse the delay in replying..it takes about 2 weeks for your letter to get here and aanother two weeks to recieve a reply

Go ahead unfollow if you want

So many more people are more open these days and with the advances in technology and social networking you are never more than a few tweets/status up dates/google searches away from the answer.

But please be careful..there is too much information out there and before you know it you've convinced yourself you've got cancer/your child is autistic/you're allergic to the 21st Century.

My reasons for writing this post are to ask some of you...and please don't ask if I mean you?...to STOP treating your children as mini adults, to STOP labelling them as talented/special needs/allergic/angels etc etc......let them be kids, let them grow up without Kumon lessons and ballet classes, let them be them and not little versions of what you wanted to be....give up the labels...they are self imposed, STOP comparing and competing...even if you don't think you are some of you really don't know how much upset you cause others with your comments....

You're children are beautiful, they are precious, of course you would die to protect them...just remember not everyone else will see them that way...and that is life

Geninue allergies (life threatening) and Special needs with Statements are excluded from all above comments.

#silentsunday

Saying Sorry

I live in a house full of males, I enjoy sport and probably go to more football matches than anyone in my family...I worked in a male dominated environment (football) ....so why can't I learn?

I'm not trying to rewrite the book...just have my say that's all....

If I bump into you, knock your arm while you're eating, take the wrong turn, break something etc...I apologise, automatically, I don't have to think about...so why can't you?

Saying sorry is NOT an admission of guilt, you are not admitting that you did the said act on purpose, it wasn't deliberate...I know that...and I WON'T hold it against you...but I will keep on about it till you tell me you're sorry.

Nothing is EVER easy

We’ve been in the country 88 days, not long is it?...I’ve never even visited South Africa before arriving here and Peter came for 1 week November 2010 to see if he liked it here.
In the UK, you know what you’re doing.....this is usually based on information from your family environment, friends and colleagues and from experience.......Mortgage providers, solve a dispute with a gas bill, best mobile phone contract....you know what magazines to read for reviews, you have a preference for a type of car and knowledge of how much things cost and whether you’re being ripped off or not...and if you don’t know.....you google, you ask.....
Well we don’t have any of that.......
We had no idea what so ever about anything in South Africa.....prices of cars.....who the insurance firms are...do we have a choice of provider for the electric....who operates the satellite TV...where to buy school uniform from?
We also had no internet, bank account or telephone.....so couldn’t google a thing.
What we did have was a good supportive network from the UK...mmmm we were wrong there...we opened up a bank account with the ‘World’s largest bank’ which would provide us with a credit history, off shore banking and a local bank account...they forgot to mention that off shore banking would cost more for each transaction as they don’t actually have a branch in SA, which means we can’t have local banking, which means we don’t have a credit history.
We couldn’t get a mobile phone or internet access as we didn’t have 3 months of bank statements (see above) so we couldn’t find out what we needed to do and how to do it.
We had to do everything at the same time...we needed a house to rent...but needed to phone agents...we needed a car to visit the houses to rent...but needed a bank account to finance a car...
I’m a resourceful person and although there was a HR person, who has since left the company (I for one won’t miss them), all they did was sort out Peter’s contract, rent an apartment for 6 weeks, in their name...so we had no proof of address, put us in touch with an agency to sort the Visa’s and authorised our expenses in regards to getting here....(see previous blogs for Removal Company, Driving Licence and Visa hassles, you don’t need to go back too far...we only started the whole process in November 2011)
Peter is trying to settle into his new job, different cultures, languages, methods of doing business, thankfully the children were sorted in school within 48hrs so I wasn’t dragging them around...I took to the streets, quite literally, I had to walk and drive to places armed with a local map of the area, no sat nav....prior to coming out here the advice I was given was not to do this...I stood on street corners, panicking as I made telephone calls and arrived unannounced at the kids schools and pleaded to use the internet to contact house agents. I walked into chemists and asked for advice on how I use the med aid card?...how I get a dentists?...the local cafe owner drew me a map for the local library, so I could study.
So everywhere I go and everything I need to do this is how it goes.....
‘I’m from England.....I’ve only been in the country xxxx weeks, I don’t know how things works here, please will you help me?’
Then these are the additional questions we now know we need to ask.......
‘Does the copy have to be stamped? And who would you like me to stamp it?...the school, the bank...the police...’(utility bills, DSTV)
‘Does this form need a witness to sign?...do you supply the witness or shall I get one?...can it be a stranger off the street (Customs) can it be my husband? (permission to have my own bank account) can it be my son? (Library card)’
‘Do I need additional forms, to the ones you’ve just told me about?’...
Everywhere we go and for everything we do we carry the following...even if they have a certified stamp, you still have to show original.....
Passport
Visa
Contract of employment
Proof of residency
Driving Licence, paper and photo card and The AA International Driving Permit
Bank Statement – Current
...and that is just the bare minimum
There’s always something else they’ll ask for.
The reason I write this today is Peter is on his 3rd visit to the Vehicle Licensing Department to prove that he is allowed to buy a car...I can’t buy my own car as my visa is for a visiting, therefore I can’t get my own finance, Peter can...We already have the car, it has plates, I have Insurance in my own right...thanks to ‘OUTsurance’...and another thing we also found out is when someone says to you...’It’s OK don’t worry about anything, we will sort it all out for you’....means we’ll forget to tell you something and you’ll have to do it...usually within 72hours...’you don’t need any paperwork...just the copy of your passport........’

Do you have staff?

I had a cleaner in the UK, 3 hrs once a week, she cleaned bathrooms, dusted and hoovered, the things I struggled with, but I was working full time, with 3 active teenagers at home.

Now I'm here in South Africa I am expected to have a maid, I'm not working and there are now only 2 kids at home.

We have a gardener, he was sort of forced on us....he mows the lawn when I tell him to do so and sweeps up afterwards. He also uses the hose pipe to chase the leaves around the garden. He works from 7.30am til 2.30pm for R150 per day (about £12) He demanded I feed him and what at set times during the day and is constantly on his phone...after I've paid him and he goes home I spend at least an hour tidying up after him. He is constantly knocking on the door or window needing things. During the day I have to ask him to do or not to do certain things and personally I see it all as a waste of time..I enjoy gardening, but it's not the done thing to do it yourself.

Same with the pool guy he comes twice a week for R250 per week and he keeps telling me off as there are leaves in the filter...I explain it's autumn and I can't do anything about it, he mutters some more at me and I end up apologising.

I don't want a maid, I don't want someone in my house all day. I like things done a certain way, I'm not OCD, but don't see the point of redoing it afterwards. I also don't want to have to 'train' the maid and I don't want to have to tell her what to do.

I've heard and seen some funny/sad things with domestic staff.

Maid stood outside with brolley over washing in rain as she was told to put it out, but not bringing it in if it rained.

Gardener laying the paper out to dry, as it got wet in the rain and the maid ironing it.

Gardeners working in temps of high 30's and being told to drink from the hose pipe and not being allowed to use the outside toilet.

Maids being late by 5 minutes and without any come back, being sacked and gardeners not turning up for work as their grandmother has died (again) they seem to come from large families.

I think I'd rather just pay someone R150 per day to sit in the garden, out of my way while I just get on with the work.....I will end up employing someone to support the local economy

...but right now it's not my culture to have staff.

Too much hard work

I dread those words.....'do you fancy a Braai (BBQ)?'

me: er no not really
him: I'll cook
me: yeah I know you'll cook, but I don't want to be your skivvy
him: you sit down I'll do it all

and you know the rest.......

I haven't stopped

I made the salad
I got the trays out
I marinated the meat
I've held numerous plates, items of cutlery
I've fetched drinks, laid the table, found 'things'

Is it the same for you?

I'll see your pool and raise you a golf cart'

My 11yo has always been on the immature side, but then he is the youngest of 5, the eldest is profoundly disabled and we've have been fearful that as the children grow up they won't want to play with her anymore, shes loves rough and tumble just like a toddler. Peter and I haven't had any children together and that has always been a sad point in our relationship, but the kids are all ours despite regular contact with their dad and occasional interferance form their mum.

We have family words that we use, to our own embarrasment outside the family home..such as puter and saying duck instead of stuck and can you do this undone for me...all the little things the kids used to say that made us laugh...unfortunalty the youngest feels he should still use these for real and accompanies them with his best baby voice, I think he thinks that we like it.....

The youngest is 12 in less than 2 weeks, he has a large collection of Pandas on his bed and a fireman rug, he also has a blanket that if we move he goes mental about...yeah, yeah I can hear you all, it's my fault, wanting another baby so keeping him as one etc etc.....but meet me and my family and you'll see that's not the case.....

We've spent lots of time with the psychologist and self referred to psychiatrist for concerns in regards to youngest, his toilet habits and his lack of educational progress, spend time with him and you'll see what a difficult, yet, intelligent child he is, spend too much time and you'll see his issues.

But the light bulb came on this morning....we've worked it all out.

Since moving into the estate on the 1st of March the youngest child has changed, we no longer have the blanket, his teddies have been put in the cupboard and his rug removed from his room and dumped in the laundry, he's making a real effort in school, despite being on permenant catch up, he is officially dyslexic. So why the change?

My son has been in private school since the beginning, he boarded for 2 years (years 2 & 3) and continued to board as and when he wanted to, he spent all his weekends at his dad's house of with grandparents...he didn't have friends....despite the school only being 4 miles from where we lived, his friends travelled from so far away it wasn't convienent to play....his friends nearby had trust accounts, granparents paying fees, mummies and daddies that I couldn't bare to spend time with and so much competition for Alex he felt the underdog and out of place.....

Since we've been here, despite still being in a private school, his friends come from normal families or they are ex pats with the company paying the fees, they live on the same estate, they go and play on the tennis courts or football on the fairways, they wander in and out of everyones houses and they don't need to compete, but it is impossible to do so here.

'I'll see your pool and raise you a golf cart'

Me time

Despite it NOT being Mothers' Day in South Africa until May, my family have decided to have it today as they were aware that as I had sent flowers to both sets of parents in the UK, I should also be spoilt.

'Me time' today has been spent potting my tomato plants, listening to music, baking cakes and hand sewing some curtains.

I love 'Me time'..Peter on the golf course, Dan on his xbox and Alex out with his friends....can't get enough of it.......

But I've had too much 'Me time' recently and it has got me down.....

I used to have a full time job, which was demanding and often involved late night working and nights away, I was studying for my degree and screaming out for time to read and write an assignment...I used to crave 'Me time', scream and shout to get it...one evening off a week to watch TV undisturbed, or a sunday afternoon, even if it was just to do the ironing.

Now I have 'Me time' all day every day and nothing to motivate me, keep me going, grab my attention, give me an idea for something.

And yet today, I'm enjoying my 'Me time' cos for the first time since we've been here...I feel normal, I feel I have a routine....Peter on the golf course, Dan on his xbox and Alex out with his friends...

So on Monday I'm going to get dressed the same time as everyone else, I'm going to work and study downstairs and come up for a drink and a snack when required, a change is as good as a rest and I'm going to make the most of it. It's half term on Friday (month off school) family are coming to visit in June and July. The two year restriction on my Visa to work will be over as quick as anything and I'll be craving my 'Me time' again.

Losing my Identity/Reinventing myself

'Hi, nice to meet you...yes I'm Peters wife, yes...yes the 2 boys are settling in well...they're 16 and 11...yes especially the eldest one hes loving his sport...yes it was a hard adjustment....the boys...oh loads of friends what with school and all that...oh I'm enjoying the "me" time,... no haven't employed a maid yet, need something to do with my day...yes...thank you and you...nice chatting'

and that's it.......

I used to be Suzanne, married to Peter, 3 boys and 2 step children, work for the Football Association in Child Welfare and teach at Worcester College of Technology....... can you imagine how many more questions used to arise from that statement...now I feel like I'm trying to prove something if I say WHAT I used to be....

Silent Sunday

My favourite thing in the house

This is my Upstairs, Downstairs basket.

This prticular one is about 5 years old and lives on the stairs.All day I pick things up from various rooms, football boots by the frontdoor, a school tie that has been dropped, mobile phone charger, various bits of toys, washing and towels.

The rule is, if you are passing it, pick it up and take it with you, remove items and either put away or put them in the room they belong if not yours.

Hubby manages to overlook it on every trip and sounds surprised it's there, when I remind him of it's purpose.

You can guarentee, every day that someone is looking for something....I say 'have you tried the upstairs, downstairs box?'
The reply 'thanks mum, I've got it now'

23 Tweet ups

In no particular order
1st tweet up didn't work out...not as much in common as the tweets indicated, but I had a nice few visits and it didn't stop me.

@mediocre_mum many, many visits...her and family to ours, us to them on xmas day, a twuneral,(@elladickenson was there) over night stays when I was working in London, many pub trips and a weekend away with #twitsfortits, great fun, great friend, her daughter yells..it's chickenruby and won't accept my name is Suzanne.

@annieqpr on her birthday with @mediocre_mum...a QPR nut, mnay occassions to the pub where shes drunk white wine with ice cubes and even walked home one night with her glass still full, met hubby on xmas eve and two adorable kids.

@cbolam and her hubby and son - in the pub on xmas day, one and only visit before we , would love to see her again.

@captaintom3 and @mrstom and their lovely son, descended on them with youngest and @blakey108 whilst camping in sussex, turned up early for breakfast and had @captaintom3 fetching us from train station, very late at night when we missed our train coming back from Wembley.

@stephiemalverns - yep from Malvern, lived round the corner, many fun nights line dancing and lots of visits to the pub.

@welsh_si and @ladywl - met in Starbucks in Newport for a coffee, took hubby along for first tweet up with them, later joined them with @ianlatham and family for breakfast one week and @amandalatham popped along.

@mustntgrumble - hadn't really interacted a great deal on twitter, but went on a training course in Northants and we met in the local pub, loads of things in common, mainly kids but same tolerance levels of life.

Arh yes the football #BCFC
@knutroger from Norway to see Liverpool play.
@jenfortnum who popped down from her seat to say hi.
@stevanegg in Mcdonalds and the pub prior to kick off and a lend of his sons season ticket.
@kevb8ll and his son after a match, outside the club shop.

#twits for tits
first met @gawnee and @beachhut81 in Neros in Winchester, took son for job interview and they popped over for the afternoon.
@pennynash lives near by husbands aunt and uncle...Penny took me on a route march around the Lee on Solent, in her wellies and thick winter jacket (it was May)
The we all met up again for a weekend away with @mediocre_mum in Wales on a cancer charity walk, fundraising via twitter. Janes boots fell apart and Chrissie had some evil blisters.

@wondernat and family on the beach at Eastbourne for the airshow...we actually met the previous year discussing the airshow with one another.

@becksbissel at her 40th birthday party, nearly met @Justin_A but he got lost and we left early.

@bob_the_nurse - always tweeting beep beep on our way to MIL in Bath, finally tweeted up in the pub in her home town (yes she really is a she) 1st meeting was cancelled due to us breaking down.

I met @chris_swan on a train to Birmingham, we chatted, she was palying with her phone, I asked if she tweeted, she did, we added one another then discovered we both taught at the same college and followed the same people.

I've not met @dawnmcwilly, but we posted oneanother sweets across the atlantic.

Same with @julesey10 we've chatted on the phone..does that count.

and finally @rydlewis...never met him, but he works with my BIL who says he's a great guy.

....so who's next...I'm hoping it's @By_Mercia this weekend at the local Mall...I'm a quick worker....

If I've forgotten anyone *crosses fingers* I'm sorry, I'll add you somewhere in the middle and no-one will ever know...

Has anyone seen the holiday rep?

This post was written 5 weeks ago, I just forgot to publish it.


We haven't really had time to relax and enjoy South Africa yet, we hit the ground running and if you've read previous blogs you'll see what's been keeping us so busy.

When you go on your holidays, you enter into a contract with the airline and the hotel etc, you purchase insurance (we forgot one year when we went to America)and if you miss your plane due to air traffic control or baggage handlers strike, there's some inconvenience, but it all gets sorted for you, eventually. Should you have any problems with your accommodation or you are taken ill, ring down to reception and they were either sort it out for you or let you when your holiday rep is in next. When you get home some 2-3 weeks later and a problem wasn't resolved and you have evidence you can make a claim. (in theory)

When you emigrate you don't get that help, and unlike being on holiday where you rest, read a book and explore, we had to open bank accounts, buy a car, get mobile phones, find somewhere to live, deal with a different way of doing things and try to understand this medical aid stuff by finding drs and dentists. We had to get the water and electric switched on and all in a country with some of the highest crime figures in the world, a two year visa which prevents you from getting a loan as you may be Nigerian and considered a flight risk, and requires you to pay 50% deposit up front and the rest within the 2 yrs.......

And not a bloody holiday rep in sight

Top Gear - you let me down

It started as a bit of a laugh with my 16 yo son getting fed up of my constant complaining about the quality of tea here and suggested I contact Top Gear to see if they'd bring some PG Tips over for me when they came to Kyalami on the weekend.

http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/02/help-neededsend-tea-bags.html

I emailed, I tweeted, I had numerous retweets but no response from @BBCTop_Gear.

On Sunday we went to see Top Gear, we had a brilliant day, the weather held off till just as we got on the bus to go home. We watched them bungey jumping with cars, we saw Stirling Moss, The Stig. May in a Twingo and Sabrine in a Megan race David Coultard in a Formula 1 car, and finally we saw Clarkson...

what was he doing?....nothing, he walked down the steps on the opposite side of the track, stood there, and took a swig from his mug of tea before wandering off...do you think he knew I was there and tealess? Could've made me one.

Too much baggage

I’m not talking emotions.
Our furniture was removed from our house on December 23rd 2010 and since then the 4 of us have lived out of 9 suitcases and 4 hand luggage bags and most of that stuff was winter clothing as we didn’t leave the UK until the 18th January.
Our container was due into Durban on March the 4th. We moved into our permanent address on March the 1st and up till that date we were in temporary accommodation, which was very basic, we bought a few things we needed such as towels, a measuring jug and a baking tray to supplement the apartment equipment.
We also purchased some picnic stuff, cutlery and plastic plates etc to use in the new house and a King size bed for us and 2 singles for the kids which we’re now using in the spare room now our furniture has arrived.
We got rid of so much stuff before we left the UK as we were led to believe our furniture wouldn’t arrive until the end of April and we didn’t want to double up on stuff, but we’ve managed well, the only additional stuff we have now is bedding and towels. But we’re hoping for lots of visitors who can use it all. The furniture arrived on March 13th...see previous posts for the hassle there.
So what about all the other stuff? We’ve lived without it all for 3 months, so what’s the rush to unpack it all?
So the stuff from the attic has gone straight into the wine cellar...well wine won’t last long enough to be stored will it?
The photos albums haven’t been looked at and have gone straight into the cupboards in the guest room.
The guitars/amps/clarinet and other instruments are still in their bubble wrap.
Toys have been put into rooms, nice and tidy in boxes then promptly spread all over the floor. The outdoor toys are being used frequently...dumped in the pool.
The furniture is assembled, the clothes put away, kitchen all unpacked and all being used, the ornaments remain boxed as I’m waiting for the electrician to come to re wire the plugs so I can’t put the display cabinet into place yet.
So that’s it then....we’re here, we’ve arrived...we’re going to stay...I’m not bloody going through all of this again.

And to add to all of that...I now have a large collection of cardboard boxes.

Overload - but twitter helped

well that’s it…we’ve arrived.
This is my new home, all the furniture is in, unpacked…just a bit of re jiggling and we’re done…so now what?

It’s been a very stressful time for all of us…Peter in a new job, well same job, new country and way of working, different work culture and covering a much larger geographical area and managing more people.
Kids in a new school, new friends, new languages away from their dad and the very large and close knit family.

Kids have made some great friends and most of Peter’s work colleagues have been really helpful with advice and places to go and visit, but other than than we’ve had to do everything on our own.

I’m on my own all day, I have the gardener and the pool guy to speak to, but to be honest that’s out of politeness only. I visit a couple of cafes on a regular basis and seem to be a bit of a novelty being English as they’re aren’t many of us here.

We live in Centurion which is an Afrikaans area and their love of the English is not great. I’ve had a couple of encounters with Afrikaans because of my country of origin, guess it’s something I’ll have to get used to, but won’t tolerate…just got to learn to keep my mouth shut and walk away.

Yesterday the kids were watching Top Gear at Kyalami and as I’m not a petrol head I wondered off for a coffee and a cigarette. There were thousands of people there and everyone was getting knocked and bumped into, lots of smiles and apologies and ‘after you’ As I walked off there was a mad rush to get up the step to where Clarkson was standing and as I moved through the crowd I bumped into a gentleman, as I turned to apologise he shoved me from behind….I asked ‘what did you do that for?’ he started shouting at me that I was rude and to get out of his way….I replied ‘I’m sorry but there was no need to shove me’ his response was ‘don’t fucking mess me with lady’ and he shoved me again and sent me flying. He was white, 60+ and Afrikanns. I know this as someone muttered ‘bloody afikaans’ I stood there amazed, I didn’t swear, retaliate, I walked off stood behind a board and I cried. I found the first aid tent, asked if I could sit a while, explained what had happened, they gave me a tissue and left me to have a real good cry.

I was alone, Peter is in Europe this week with work, I had no one to turn to, no one to call, only the children were there and I’m not their responsibilty. At that moment in time I wanted to go home, back to the UK and the only friends I had were on twitter and boy they were a support, I recieved hugs and kisses, messages of support and understanding, some from people I tweet with regulary and others not so much that were on line and responded.

I calmed, I stopped crying, I found the kids, I told my 16yo son what had happened. He fetched me a drink, looked after Alex and we carried on and enjoyed the rest of our day.

By the time we drove home at 6pm I had the mother of all migraines, I needed sleep, medication, a cup of tea and looking after..again who is here to help me? No one just the kids, so Dan had to help me, he got Alex to tidy up his mess and get ready for bed, made sure all the lights were turned off and let me go to bed with a hot water bottle and a steaming mug of tea.

Still got a headache this morning…..Alex is entertaining himself with selotape and cardboard boxes, Dan will probably sit in front of the xbox/TV all day and I’ll stay here on the sofa with the laptop and my twitter friends

6 bed house for rent Malvern Worcestershire

Anyone looking to rent a house in Malvern, Worcestershire?
6 bed, 2 ensuite
Family sized bathroom and downstairs cloakroom
Large lounge
Conservatory
Kitchen and separate dining room
Detached
Parking for 2 cars on drive
Low maintainence gardens access both sides
Shed 10" x 12" smaller shed and storage for bikes
Within walking distance for 3 primary schools, 1 secondary school, train station and shops
http://www.jamesproperty.co.uk/Property/Residential/for-rent/Malvern/Worcs/JMP67

What happened next.....?

We were kept awake last night with the most amazing thunder storm, it was like watching National Geographic channel through the curtains, the skies were every colour you could imagine. At 2am the rain came down and I mean rain, like the stuff the UK had in 2007. The river burst it's banks, thankfully it doesn't flood our garden, flooding the 14th, 15th and 16th fairways. It made for an interesting journey to school and eventually it stopped raining around mid day. The river has receeded but is still very fast flowing.

At 10am (South African time - was due at 9am)the 'Discovery' man arrived, Medical Aid, to talk through with us how the system works and what we need to do. We're in our 9th week here and already had Dan rushed in by ambulance for a cricket injury and I've had a new front tooth after snapping it on a coat hanger (don't ask) The electrician and odd job man arrived during this to fix some of the faults with the house, nothing major, but we don't want billing for it as we're renting.

I made tea for Andrew, the odd job man, he speaks no English I speak no Afrikaans but we got on fine. I pointed, he fixed. The ideal man, what more could a girl ask for?...lol

At one point I asked the electrian to check the main fuse box, it's outside and the cover has broken exposing it to the elements. There are NO H&S laws here, loose wires and cables run everywhere. 'It's lekker' he said and as I pointed at the earth wire which was bare and had every other wire attached to it, Andrew swipped my hand away and flicked the main switch off, I assume that means it's not safe........

.........this triggered the house alarm, next thing I'm sat on the balcony having a fag when I hear this voice 'Ma'am are you ok?' I assumed it was the removal firm with our furniture as promised 'will be with you at 11am' I stand up, turn round and there's a man in combat gear, inside the house, gun drawn, held steady in both hands.....well...OMG....I discovered my natural fight or flight instinct, I had neither, I managed to keep control of my baldder though. Turns out he's from the security firm and as the alarm had been triggered he had been dispatched to the house within 5 mins. Once he questioned who the two men were and I convinced him I was safe and they had permission to be here, he left.

It took an hour to calm down and when I did I realised the furniture was late....I called the office....'oh dear this is serious, we'll call you back, they left Jo'burg over 3 hours ago, we're 45 mins drive from there at the most, they didn't call back for an hour, I'm panicking, I'm sweating, I'm going through every box in my mind, just what have we lost....the phone rings....'we've not got your furniture, customs refused to release it, incorrect paperwork...more money.....' I switch off listening, then the anger kicks in.....'No more storage charges, no more excuses, furniture delivered by 9am tomorrow morning or I will seek legal advice' (It's an international removal company we hired) 'we'll do our best, Ma'am' so we'll see I'll let you know in the morning what's going on....fingers crossed.

Cultural differences

We'd been in the country less than two weeks and I was summoned to meet Alexs teachers grade 6 (Uk yr 7) as they were concerned about his education, in particular his lack of South African history and Geography. Mmmmmm now let me think about that...do they really think that's an issue? Or are they just plain stupid. I suggested they quiz him on his European knowledge and the countries he has visited. Their response we don't do that till grade 9. My response yeah and? FFS what the he'll did they expect?

Racial abuse or have I met the biggest twat in SA

Tonight we went to a golf do organised by the boys school on the estate we live on,for the presentations for the days golf that Peter took part in. We were seated next to the obnoxious table, you know the type think they own the place, lobbing cutlery and crockery at one another then started throwing ice cubes, some hit our table peter asked them to stop, so they threw more, while peter was getting into an argument with one bloke i polietly asked another to stop doing it, he replied are you fucking english, fuck off and get your hockey stick out your arse, i said being english had nothing to do with it and would he stop, he asked again are you fucking english i replied are you a fucking twat and walked off, as i sat down he stood up, hes at least 6ft 5 and threw a small block of ice directly at m e, which hit me squarely on the head, it broke the skin and was bleeding and i have a nice raised bruised on my hair line, everyone was apologetic, peter and another bloke who is from SA, challenged him and he was racially abusive to peter and myself calling us c***s and to fuck off back to uk. This tosser is white, was pissed and deliberatly threw the ice at me because i was english, it was a racially motivated assult, im physically ok but very shaken up. he was asked to leave the premisies and has been black balled from all future events at the golf course and school functions, he apologised because he was embarrased in front of his friends.....and yes he is a fucking twat

Discipline for teenagers

I'm a mum of teens, 2 past, 2 current and 1 to go. I've supported families with difficult teens, attending parenting courses, spent 10 years as a Youth Worker and developed and delivered parenting courses. The advice below is all the best bits put together that have worked for me. I read a blog by @skc0602 and decided to put something back...so have a read...adapt it to your needs and let me know how it goes.

Describe the behaviour you want to see, don’t compare treatment with others i.e.’ your sister/brother does it without a fuss’, just develops resentfulness.

How far are you prepared to go?...What is the desired outcome?...If you want homework done and they are refusing to do it...don’t make idle threats...If you say they are not going out till the homework is done are you prepared to stand by the door all day/evening till they do it?...what is likely to happen?...bad atmosphere in the house?...screaming/shouting/threats?
A child cannot wait for a reward, they need an instant response...try ‘yes, you can go out, on your return you will be doing your homework before TV/xbox etc.

Don’t say Don’t state the positive outcome
Don’t say I can’t understand you while you’re shouting at me
Say talk to me in a way I can understand

With things that are non negotiable i.e. homework, allow the child to make the decision.
Offer choices within limits
Don’t say are you going to do your homework? – if they say no, how are you
going to deal with it?
Say when you’ve done your homework do you want to? (offer choices
you know you can deliver)

Express No in a positive way
Don’t say No you’re not going out till your homework is done
Say Yes, you can go out once you’ve done your homework

Offer encouragement to build self esteem
Don’t say your hair looks nice
Say wow that must have taken you some time
Don’t say you look good
Say I bet you feel really good in that outfit

Teach Skills
Plan ahead, explain the value of the skill, break the task down, do it with the child teaching independence.

Do not threaten, blame, lecture or repeat – a child will just shut down.

Don’t offer advice – ‘what would you know?’ ‘you don’t understand’ everyone else.....’ – guide through the problem solving process, if you don’t the child won’t develop coping skills.

Remember when you are angry the other person (child) is in control.

and finally....

I've been a football fan for too long and a Birmingham City fan now in my 5th season. I'd followed them for a while but my family life and having 5 kids did not allow me time to go to matches.
I started going to the games when they were in the premiership but unfortunatly they soon went back down. I took my eldest to see them play Liverpool, his team, as there was no way I was driving up there to watch them play.
I attended every home game in the Championship and really enjoyed the football. I was on Match of the Day with a crowd of less than 20,000 when they played Blackpool and when Jerome scored there I was, billy no mates, (all the seats around me were empty) the camera zoomed in to me in a bright pink top cheering my head off.
The kids came to a few games in the Championship and towards the end of the season when they saw promotion in sight, they too started to attend.
Hubby came once or twice, but as a Man U fan he found it boring, so it became 'me and my boys'
We've cheered, we've cried, we've even left St Andrew's swearing blind we'll never go back, but we have.
My last game before leaving for South Africa was against Arsenal on New Years Day. I was very disappointed, we'd beaten Chelsea and held Man U at home then go losing 3-0. I cried and left the ground early.
But tonight was worth every bit of the pain...we won the Carling Cup, our first trophy since 1963...I say we but I wasn't actually there neither did I kick the ball, but it feels like 'we'.

and on a positive note.......

Today my dad sold the car.

We tried marketing it before we left the UK, but only got offered £5,000 and as you know we only had 3 months from 'Would you like to move to South Africa to actually being here'

So we added my mum to the insurance, so she could go out with any perspective buyers, and dumped it on their drive. Insurance and MOT expire end of March.

Dad has been calling all the garages he can think of, put ads in the local paper and in shop windows around Monmouth and still no luck.

In the end we said 'Dad, get what ever you can for it and deposit the cheque in our bank account as we're running out of money' and today I got the email that siad he'd done it and money is on it's way....yeah for Dad.

We called him this evening and this is what happened......

It proved to be adifficult day. When we arrived they insisted on doing afull check the first thing they noticed was the tyre warning light had come on and they said 3 of the 4 valves needed changing as they were badly corroded ( mother had noticed but said nothing) Then they said 2 of the rear inside door panels were marked and would need replacing finally the small burn hole in the drivers seat(this is the problem with main dealers they are too fussy) They had about 6 Coffee machines that were more expensive than my car. Their first offer was £5200.00 which we turned down then £5700.00 then £5900.00 . They could see we were both upset Mother did a brilliant job and must have pulled on their heart strings as they then offered £6000.00 as she said she was too upset to drive it home, maybe it was allpart of their plan to get the car cheaper anyway we got there in the end. They did comment the General appearance was exellent.

Now then Dad, how do you fancy renting our house for us as the bloody agents have been less than useless?

And what do you think happened next?

If you are of a nervous disposition or don't like swearing look away now.

FUCKING UK FUCKING Removal firm have FUCKED UP and FUCKED me off big time.

Email received last week,to confirm container will be arriving in Jo'burg on 4th March.

Email received today from agents in Edenvale to say container arrives in Durban on 4th March, OK a slight mix up, Durban-Jo'burg about a 4 hour drive.

But, included in the email were 5 attachements requiring completion in triplicate, stamped and returned to office in Edenvale by Monday am oh and payment of approx £250.

So I call them, I explain I can't access emails on my phone and that I don't have access to a printer and what does 'stamped' mean and where do I get it done? I also inform them I can't make payment over the internet, (see blog re buying a car) but they don't take cash payments, can they help me please?

Yes they can, come to Edenvale on Monday, print and complete forms, use their internet to make payment, drive to Pretoria to customs to get forms signed, return to them so they can process, OK so not the easiest of tasks, but at least they are willing to help. Go google Centurion where we live, then Edenvale, then Pretoria to see where I have to drive to and from all day, but at least I can get papers signed in time to recieve my containers of furniture.

In the meantime I have emailled the UK agents and asked them the following:
1. Why didn't you tell me this either verbally or in written format.
2. Where has the extra cost come from? and again, you never mentioned that.
3. How the fucking hell do you expect me to do all of the above (didn't mention how helpful the agents in SA have been, they don't need to know that)

There are also further complaints to follow like:

We would've liked our container shipped up beginning of January as they informed us it took 10-12 weeks to arrive plus customs clearance time that the SA agents would organise.

So they removed our furniture on December the 23rd, they had provided us with a full quote for the price and insurance.

On the 23rd as they were removing the furniture I went to the office with the insurance quote form and was informed there was an additional £800+ cost to pay as that was included in the cost. I also asked when our goods would be sent and was informed they needed a copy of the visas...which we didn't have and knew the earliest date would be 7th January (as it happened they were delayed for a further week, again see blog on visas)It was likely our container wouldn't be sent till end of January at the earliest.

As soon as we had the visa we provided them with a copy for them to inform us container now won't be sent till 1st February. The implications of this, not only the costs involved detailed below but the fact with 2 kids we were living in a house with no furniture over Christmas, eventually having to move into company flat in Manchester, which was furnished as it all got too much for us.

So based on the 10-12 weeks they told us, there was alot of stuff we sold or gave away, not thinking that our furniture would reach us until sometime in April, for example iron, bedding, towels and quite alot of other stuff including all our white goods, as we thought we'd have to buy those kinds of items anyway and it seemed pointless to have 2 sets, as it happens we will have about 1 week in our new house (current rented accomodation is fully furnished) and in that time we could eat take out, arrange for clothes to go out for laundering.

So yet more cost involved we now need to buy all the above mentioned goods and the cost here is far greater than the UK.

We SHALL be seeking compensation from the company involved and if I do not get a satisfactory answer I will be naming and shaming on twitter, to make sure no-one else has the same problems as we've had.

I bought myself a GPS yesterday, it has built in bluetooth for hands free driving and that old familiar 're route' if there's been an accident or there are road works ahead ... but get this ... when you opt to 're route' unlike UK ones this has an added feature to avoid town ships, it also beeps at speed limits ... still not sounding too bizarre? Well this one also beeps and the voice warns you of dangerous areas ... *beep beep* 'warning entering area of carjacking, approach with care'

Safety and Security

On a previous blog, I wrote ‘What comes first? The need for protection or the fear of crime?’
I was fearful, very fearful for my safety and my family, no one told us anything positive about life in South Africa prior to our arrival
Carjacking at gun point
Mugged in the streets at knife point
Well yes it does happen (see previous post) but you don’t need to live in fear of it...just be sensible.
In the first week I carried a small amount of cash, one credit card and my phone all in my pocket, by week two after observing the behaviour of others I carried a small clutch bag from Fossil. I soon learnt I neede to carry my passport, driving licence and International driving permit with me and I’m back to carrying a handbag full of crap.
I sling it over my shoulder when out, I lock it safely in the boot of my car when driving, mobile phone in door pocket and the car automatically locks when I’m driving...am I safe?
Not completely , I’m still at risk, just more prepared for it, am more confident in myself and walk/drive away from situations that make me feel uncomfortable....no different from how I should behave anywhere in the world, I just keep reminding myself not to be complacent.

At the Robots

48hrs after arriving in SA, hubby is in work, he has a lift every day, and the kids are in school, I have a hire car (as James May says ‘the best car in the world’)

Now bare in mind the horror stories I’d been told about SA and I’m off driving on my own in a place I’d never even visited before.

At the robots they try to sell you all sorts of things, keep your windows closed is the advice or they’ll grope you, don’t make eye contact. They’re not interested in selling you stuff really, they’re just checking your car out, then signally their mate at the next robot so he can smash your window and grab your bag, yes that does happen but so far the only people I’ve met that have told me this sort of thing has started with ‘my friend....a bloke at work, my aunties next door neighbours cat....etc etc’

At the robots today I rolled a cigarette for a man trying to sell me a whitener for my Tekkies (trainers), stopped for a chat with the newspaper seller, I explained to him I can’t read Afrikaans, he suggested I bought his paper as there are alot of pictures in it and I could work it out from that. I replied ‘Lekker’ and he replied ‘see you’re learning already’
 

Embarrassing moments

OK I’m in the supermarket, Checkers, in the toiletry aisle looking for ‘women’s things’ The brand names are the same and they offer the same two options of either Tampax or Towels. I looked to see if I could buy my normal product and had been stood there for a while when an assistant asks if she can help......I ask if she can help me find Night time pads without wings. Her reply was I’m new here, I’ll go ask....now being English this isn’t a subject we discuss openly in public with strangers, so off she goes and returns with a MAN, he looks through the shelves and asks me to wait while he goes and asks, another MAN comes back and asks me...’is it for heavy, medium or light flow’ I reply and he goes off to the warehouse. I’m now stood there wondering WTF when he returns, offers me an alternative as they don’t sell the ones I want and suggest I cut the wings off.

Michael McIntyre moment

Have you seen his routine when speaking to someone either on the telephone or face to face when you don’t quite catch their name or what they are saying.

You say ‘pardon’, you still don’t understand, by the time you’ve asked for the third time it’s now considered rude, so you say well thank Mr ermjamigig.

The first time this happened to me is now a family joke, I had just met my husband and while at his house looking after the children I answered the phone, it was a work call, I took the message but had missed the man’s name, so I asked him for it, he had a very heavy accent and I said, I’m sorry I didn’t catch that, he repeated it, I then asked him to spell it, still didn’t catch it, said thank you and hung up......when Peter got home I told him he’d had a message, he asked who from, I replied Mr Crisp Packet...it took him a while but he worked it out in the end.

This is what it’s like for me every day in South Africa, I keep hanging up or walking away not having a bloody clue what was said while they look at me wondering, as I walk off smiling ‘are all English women mad?’
 

Is this the best sales technique in the world?

When you buy a car in South Africa you have to give the insurance company the name of the garage so they can fax proof you are insured before you can drive away. The insurance company I used is OUTsurance and it was the easiest thing I've had to do since we arrived, they requested I drove the car to Glasfit to have the cars body work, plate and year of manufacture checked out, all makes sense to me. Apart from the insurance service, Glasfit also repair windscreens and intall 'smash and grab' glass which is a necessity over here. My vehicle does not have factory fitted safety glass and the woman launched into a fantastic sales pitch, she didn't pause for breath:

' Ma'am, you don't have the recommended safety glass you are putting yourself at risk. At the robots (traffic lights) you WILL have your window smashed, you will have your necklace RIPPED off your neck, you will be assualted and YOU have been warned, don't wait till it happens we can fit it now for ... rand'

mmmmmm no thanks and I drove off ... I will have it fitted but not by a company that try to sell you a product by scaring you half to death.

Why do you blog?

I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed writing. I never thought I had anything of any interest to say until I discovered Twitter in February 2009. I did the usual and followed the celebs then I met @jayman888 @janedebond and @justin_a and from there life took on a whole new meaning, as my list of friends grew and after a small problem when I fell out with someone changed my name. I met @mediocre_mum on #fdf (fancy dress Friday) and my love affair with communicating began in earnest.
I started to blog when I wanted to say just a little bit more and to this day I still haven’t fathomed out #twitlonger. I blogged every day stuff, thoughts and feelings, explanation of a tweet if it met with too much opposition, issues with the children, schools and behaviour. I joined British Mummy Bloggers and @mediocre_mum sorted my blog out for me, comments, gmail account and started a face book page which she linked to my blog.

I’m now living in South Africa with my husband and 2 youngest kids, it has been a difficult transition, been here 5 weeks. I had a small note book that I jotted things down in, then wrote it up in full in as a word document and cut and pasted into my blog, I’ve had to invest in a bigger note pad now, which I’ve already started to fill, there are so many wonderful and amazing things to see and do, along with the hassles we’re encountering, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Special thanks to

@hippydi in Cape Town who phoned me one day after I tweeted I was feeling down

@amandamuldowney in Saudi for contact information, advice on shopping and places to visit

@letsbreastfeed in UK for her emails offering encouragement and support

And then of course there’s the rest of you for putting on with my crap and showing interest.

Will it ever end?

I am an intelligent person who is capable of sorting most things out, sometimes I overreact and panic other times I’m just physically unable to do anything about it.
For example I am unable to get a mobile phone or internet contract as I need to provide 3 months of bank statements, I have been in the country just over 4 weeks. I thought I’d set up international banking with HSBC but turns out as they don’t actually have a branch here, it was a waste of time. I needed to buy a car but was unable to transfer money from the UK in the time needed and put myself at great risk walking around from bank to bank carrying all my ID and a ‘cash’ cheque to make the down payment. The accommodation the company have rented us does not have a landline and despite asking 3 weeks ago for one to be put in so I can call banks, garages and rental agents to enable to do the things we need to do, it has not happened. Next challenge is to organise a land line and internet for the new property but again 3 months of bank statements aren’t available and I actually don’t know, despite going into shops asking strangers for advice how to actually do it. Peter had to give permission for me to have a bank account as I’m here on a visitor’s visa and I have to use the internet to transfer money from his, into my account. My tools to do the job are limited and I’m struggling. If I ask for help, I’m nagging, so I struggle on doing all the things that I’ve been advised not to do.
I have a car now, the loan has to be paid off within the 2 years that my visa allows me to stay here for, surprisingly car insurance was easy and I’ve even been able to set up a D/D from my bank account for it.
My sister had a baby yesterday morning and by this stage I was able to get internet access from my phone, I discovered this by again taking to strangers, going into the shop and asking in several different ways until they understood what I was asking for, got them to re configure my mobile so it would work and made several trips back to the shop until it was sorted.
Back to my sister: I’ll not dwell on what did happen or what could have happened, but just tell you that yesterday my sister was lucky to be alive. I was awake on and off during the night using face book that was playing up, getting updates from my niece on the progress of the baby. I wouldn’t have been much help if I had been in the UK, would have probably rowed with my parents, would have sat and waited for a phone call from my desk at work and then probably been told I was being bossy anyway. (But that’s what we big sisters do). As face book was playing up, I could read the messages but not reply so I started texting my niece (cost not an issue, it had to be done) then she texted me back with the news that my sister was in intensive care, the weight and name of the baby and the information that the baby was fine.
There wasn’t a lot of point booking a flight home (can’t afford one right now) and little if no point calling the hospital as they wouldn’t have told me anything any way. I assumed my parents would be there anyway as support, so I waited until the evening, checking emails and face book all day for news, struggled to make myself understood and managed to purchase a phone card. I eventually found a phone box after discounting several for safety or hygiene reasons and made the call back to the UK to discover the man in the shop hadn’t activated the card and the call home I so desperately needed to make wasn’t going to happen.
I moved from the other side of the world with Peter’s job, 2 children away from their father, no job for me and no family or friends here for any of us. Thankfully the kids have settled in well to their new school and have made friends easily; they are distracted by the wildlife and the sport and have been able to make limited skype calls to their dad. Peter is in work and has maintained familiar contact with colleagues and his family when they have skyped him during the day. But me, I’ve been all on my own, when the family do come home in the evenings they have had a long day and want to switch off and relax. I have no support network available to me only Peter to complain to, I am powerless to do anything without him. I can’t even make a complaint to the company about the lack of support they have given us, despite asking for it, research into our arrival has not been done, otherwise they would have known about the 3 month bank statement issues, the large deposit required for the car and 2 year repayments, but the biggest issue of all is you do not move someone half way around the world with their family and then leave them on their own to sort out transport, bank accounts and housing without the tools to do the job.

Who's fault is it?

My 16 year old son, Dan, was failing at school in the UK, his grades were low and his behaviour record was appalling. Is it all his fault?

So what’s the worse thing you can do to a child who’s not behaving themselves at school, take them out and home ed, additional lessons after school, change schools…we looked into all 3 options and ended up going into the school on a regular basis and ask what they were doing to address the problem. It became clear that the school weren’t interested in Dan and his future despite full support from us his parents…’why do you do this dan?’ ‘what do you intend to get out of it?’ ‘Do you want to end up on benefits, no job, no life?’

It fell on death ears, but doesn’t it always? Behaviour spilt over into home life and things were pretty awful for a while.

‘What do you want to do Dan?’ ‘Dunno’ with a shrug of the shoulders

Dan loves his sport and his incentive was to go to school for years 12 & 13 with Birmingham City Community department aged 16-18, play football and study for a level 3 qualification. All he had to do was work as hard as he was capable off, stay out of trouble and get 5 grades c’ to get a place.

To support this, I made many trips to school to ask them what they were planning to do to support Dan in school, address his behaviour, with us supporting the school. T school did very little, they labelled Dan a bully, a class clown…(see previous posts for other issues) and basically tried to ignore him as much as possible. In fact the school were so supportive that when we announced we were moving to South Africa the school report they sent said ‘we have concerns that Dan will not be able to adapt to a new environment at such a crucial time in his education’ (he was due to sit GCSE’s this May/June) How would they know he can’t adapt to change, he had the same form tutor and subject teachers for the 5 yrs he’s been in the school.

So we came to South Africa 5 months before his GCSE’s moved him away from his friends, his football and every thing he knows, moved him to the other side of the world, threw him into private school, 48 hrs after we arrived, made him wear short trousers and a tank top and left him to it….

Problems?…nah you’ve got to be joking, ok so there have been a few little issues for example the education system is much different here and advanced compared to the UK, he drew the line at wearing speedos for swimming (don’t blame him he’s 16) he immersed himself in school cricket team, plays football 3 times a week in Pretoria and is a model pupil in school…..

So how did all of this happen, why the change in Dan? Well I believe to change the behaviour, you need to change the environment…a bit extreme some of you may say, it could have all gone wrong, but preparation, preparation, preparation has made for a smooth transition, but the biggest help of all (see previous post) is being somewhere where people want to work, want to do well, where there are no state benefits if you don’t do well in school, in a country with positive role models not unashamed public wealth and so called celebs making a fortune from sleeping with footballers, singing on talent shows, excessive partying…don’t get me wrong it does go on here, it’s just for adults and those that can afford it by working hard, not a free for all society.

What are you doing to help yourself?

UK, France, Germany, Sweden and US are Welfare states – a model of provision by the state, social protection delivered in conjunction with government, independent, voluntary and autonomous public services.

Outside of the above countries there is little and often no financial support available if you do not work and provide for yourself.

We have visited many countries without welfare assistance and in these countries these people work bloody hard, long hours and with little pay to survive and I mean survive...not sit back, claim benefits and moan at how the government aren’t providing them with jobs from the comfort of their social housing, with Sky on a 42inch flat screen TV. Now I know people can’t always control their circumstances and do not choose to live like this, but I don’t think anyone knows the full meaning of poverty until they have experienced it.

In Turkey, Tunisia and Egypt, poverty is rife. I’m discussing these countries as I have visited and seen some of it 1st hand. Begging in these countries can be aggressive, but I’ve only been to the tourist areas where no doubt they ‘play’ on the emotions of the tourist with their spare cash and feelings of guilt, they will grab your bags at the airport in exchange for a few pence to take them to your tourist bus or follow you around with hands open, mainly kids just asking for money till you give them some to go away and take your guilt with them.

Now I am seeing things differently, living in South Africa there is poverty here and the people are very gracious about it. We pass a man every morning living in a tree, he roles his blanket up every morning at 6.30am and goes to work, he stands at the traffic lights with a selection of phone chargers, tax disc holders and tights and walks up and down the stationary cars, just holding them aloft, not trying to get people to pity him, not pestering for you to buy his stuff, just doing a job and people wind down their windows and buy things from him. There’s the woman on the side of the road near the school, who sets up her stall around the same time and lights a fire in a large drum on which she BBQs sweet corn all day, she sells mainly to the domestic servants at the end of the day on their way home from work and passes by in their cars stop and buy.

Did you know there’s a minimum wage for domestic servants depending on whether they’re full or part time, they have maternity and paternity rights and the average wage is approximately 90p an hour. They work in our big houses from 6am often walking many miles to get there and back and return late at night to their tin roof houses where the rain comes in.

So next time you sit back and complain about how unfair life is and how no one is doing anything to help you, just ask yourself this question... ’what are you doing to help yourself?’

I NEED to make some friends.

I’m really enjoying life here in South Africa, at the moment we are in basic rented accommodation, one small TV, no telephone or internet....we have pay as you go phones and a dongle but the speed is slow and the cost is high, family can’t contact us as promised and the kids haven’t been able to keep in touch with the UK as promised either. But three weeks with this lack of technology is starting to suit us. The kids have been able to play games on their laptops and DSI light, but even now they are losing interest it that...the boys have made friends very quickly in their new school and joined every club available. They are sociable children and make friends easily. There have been quite a few rows in the early days while they adapted to their new life, but this wasn’t due to lack of technology alone this was mostly down to our accommodation. Since the middle of December the kids have been sharing a room at their Dad’s or staying at our house in the UK without any furniture or sharing a bed in the flat in Manchester for 2 weeks prior to coming to SA. Now we are spending more time as a family, watching football on the telly or the discovery channels (they’re the only programmes we all agree on) we are having a Braai every other night, going out for picnics on weekends, we go to bed tired and relaxed every night by 9pm and the children are playing football 3 evenings a week in Pretoria, while Peter and I sit and watch them whilst chatting. There are cricket matches in the week we enjoy also.

Life here is more about family.

However, I need to meet people now. It’s been hard work trying to buy cars, rent a house, sort out bank accounts without any help and not having the internet and a phone has made it harder. So I went to a nail bar this week, I don’t normally do that sort of thing, but I met 2 lovely women, Tshego (pronounced sayho) and Celline...we have swopped phone numbers and will be meeting up next week for lunch.

Do you ever get these phone calls?

Every time I go out the bloody phone rings within a few minutes and I’m greeted with ‘Mum, can I have......?

Today’s phone call was as follows:

Dan: ‘Mum there’s a lizard in my pants drawer’

Me: ‘There’s a snake in my boots’

Dan: ‘Not funny Mum, what do I do?’

Me: ‘Catch it and put it outside’

Dan: ‘How do I do that?’

Me: ‘I don’t know’

Call ends

Phone rings

Dan: ‘I tried to catch it, but it’s now in my sock drawer’

Me: ‘There’s a snake in my boots’

*Dan hangs up*

How do you know what questions you need to ask?

Part of the preparation of moving to South Africa was to go to HSBC, The World’s International Bank, to open an international bank account, however, they do not have a branch in South Africa, (they have an agent) but they can assist us with off shore banking. Ok so we still need banking in the UK for when we finally sell the car and get tenants in the house, we have to pay for buildings and life insurances. We need to be able to get credit in SA and at some point may require to take our money out of SA as and when we decide to return to the UK.
Account opened, details received for the off shore account so we can pay Peter’s salary into it and all fees discussed and understood, agent will be able to assist in setting up an account in SA, all good so far?....er no
So we arrive in SA and call the agent for HSBC in Sandton, need to open an account with Nedbank...on your own...so armed with er..visas, passports and copy of Peter’s contract we head off to Nedbank...no proof of address, we’re in rented accommodation, paid for by the company, so return the next day with rental agreement...it’s in the company’s name not ours...return the following day with rental agreement in joint names......so now all paperwork is in place...return to Nedbank...next hurdle...joint bank accounts don’t exist and as I don’t have an income Peter has to give permission for me to have my own account...return to bank two days later to collect credit cards, internet banking details, logged in transfer of money from Peter’s account to mine and PIN’s set (five digit PINs here).
Then there was the slight problem with setting up the payments to the offshore...the plan was salary paid into Jersey then set amount transferred back in Nedbank, SA...set fee...arhhh, but...as HSBC don’t have a branch in SA there is an additional charge payable through the correspondence branch in Sandton...who, please note, have not assisted us so far.
So what have HSBC done for us as a Premier customer?....they cancelled my UK card due to unusual activity on the account...mmmmmm we’re in SA, please see above for why THAT isn’t unusual. We’ve made a complaint, but all we got was HSBC informing me that the information we were given was correct, we weren’t disputing that, we were disputing the fact, that not once, at any point did anyone point out to us, that because HSBC do not have a branch in SA, that all the benefits of being a Premier Customer as
1. Discussed in the bank. 2. In the shiny brochures given to us. 3. On the internet.
DO NOT apply if they DO NOT have a branch in the country you are moving to that the account WILL NOT be suitable for us.
So, Yes, we now know what questions to ask, but we didn’t 3 weeks ago when we arrived and we didn’t 6 weeks prior to that when we went to HSBC. So thanks for nothing.
 

Meals on Wheels

Man mauled to death by Cheetah
I was in the school shop beginning of the week, when a pupil walked in and asked
Pupil: ‘has anyone heard what happened to the cyclist in Brits?’ (20miles from here)
Me: ‘NO’
Pupil: ‘well, he was riding his bike when a Cheetah pounced on him and mauled him to death, I
want to know where the Cheetah came from?’

Me: ‘well yes, I too would be asking that question if I wasn’t in South Africa’

Pupil: ‘oh yeah’

This is what happens when you drink too much

Quick kids, there’s a snake in the garden
Ok so wine had been drunk, it was dusk and we are in South Africa, but really Peter you thought this was a snake?...lol

School Discos the same the world over

New School

New Country

New Girlfriend

It’s the schools V Ball tonight, doesn’t he look smart?

Girls on the left, boys on the right and all the parents and teachers in the middle...it’s the same wherever you are in the world...school disco’s.

When will all of this stop being new?

Well not yet at least. Everything we see and do is either amazing or a challenge. So many of you are encouraging of my blog, to be honest I thought you’d all be bored by now reading it and I thought I’d stop having anything of interest to say, but that’s not the case.

Today we went to Cullinan, where some of the world’s largest diamonds have been found. It is still a working mine and unfortunately we arrived too late for the tour but we had a lovely picnic and walk round a tiny village built in 1903.

This is not a secure area, other than the type of security you’d expect to see at a diamond mine anywhere in the world. But it was a safe area, we were free to wander around and realised that this was the type of thing we were missing. More time in the country for us. I mooched around the antique shops (junk) and Peter and I sampled some local ales brewed at the back of a cafe.

While Peter was out the back discussing the micro brewery with the owner, the kids sat out front having a drink and I walked over the road to take this picture. I ended up flat on my arse on the ground, as I stood on a pile of acorns and in cartoon style, not very gracefully, tried to maintain my balance...as I sat there trying to gain some composure, I was pelted from above by yet more acorns.

Guest post by my son Dan

My experience of a cricket ball hitting me in the neck.

Yes you did read the title correctly. I was hit by a cricket ball in the throat on Saturday 5th February. One of the scariest days of my life.
I’d just hit a four and the bowler was making jokes about me being a ‘Pomme’. Harry Potter as we called him, who had just hit 140 runs with the bat walked back to his marker. This was the start of hell for me. As he ran towards me I sensed something wasn’t right with this delivery.
I planted my front forward and then boom; the ball clipped the top of my bat and went straight into my throat. All I can remember at this point was the ball hitting me then opening my eyes and next thing I know im on the floor and there must of been about 10 people surrounding me, covering my face from the sun. I was struggling to breathe and an Ambulance was called immediately! I was hyper ventilating, which basically means that I had too much CO2 in my lungs, this also causes your hands to tighten up. Just before the Ambulance arrived Marc and some other people tried to take my helmet off. The pain was unbearable!! So they quickly stopped. Still struggling to breathe I can remember asking if someone could call my parents. And saying that I just want my Dad...Oh and that im struggling to breathe...
Once the ambulance had arrived they put a needle into my veins to supply me with painkillers, an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. At this point the paramedics were jabbing me with needles all over my body to see if I could feel any of them...which I could not. I can clearly remember that all they kept saying to me was to slow my breathing down, easier said than done to be honest.
After a few long minutes of lying on the floor it was time to move me to the ambulance. This was the worst pain ever!! They put a neck brace onto me, rolled me onto my side and then boy did I scream loudly!! I was told that you could hear the scream on the side of the pitch. They picked me up, and finally we were on our way to Sunning Hill Hospital. Robbie was in the back of the ambulance with me holding my hand all the way; well I say all the way, I mean up to the point where they checked out my lungs. They stopped at the side of the road. Robbie was chucked from one side to the other side of the ambulance. The paramedic ripped my shirt off of me. At this point I was seriously struggling to breathe now. This was the scariest part as I could hear them talking to each other about putting a tube down my mouth and connecting me to a machine that would breathe for me. My right lung had become bigger than my left lung .Thankfully they didn’t have to as I managed to slow my breathing down my throat as I slowed down my breathing. Only for about 30 seconds or so.
Once we arrived at Sunning Hill Hospital they carried on supplying me with 9 different types of painkillers. Which were slowly doing their job. They then moved me onto a bed and again I screamed as this pain was unbearable even with 9 painkillers in my body!! I was then asked my name, date of birth etc... When asked for my address in which my reply was ‘flat 60 past centurion mall’ all the doctors stared at me in amazement by the fact I didn’t know my own address. Robbie quickly explained to the Doctors I’d only been in the country for 2weeks. In which one Doctor replied ‘Welcome to South Africa my boy’ this brought the first smile to my face!! After lying on the hospital bed for a few long lonely minutes. The Doctors returned to talk to me; this was hard for me because my wind pipe was swollen and bruised so I was almost shouting my answer at them just so they could hear me normally.
Then my parents arrived to see me. This made me a very happy young man. My little brother walked in first to see me and for some strange reason he had a huge smile on his face. Which I still haven’t got the bottom of too yet. He was closely followed by my Mum whose first words to me where ‘Stop getting hurt in sport as this is the 3rd time we’ve been in hospital with you’. After the Doctors had explained to my Mum what had happened to me it was time for my x-rays. Two on my neck which thankfully came back all clear. But before I could take off the brace keeping my neck straight and still I had to go for a CAT scan which was interesting as I wasn’t allowed to open my eyes for more than 10minutes, in which I had gone to sleep in. And thankfully this came back with the all clear too!! So I was moved from ICU to a normal ward where I could sit up and have something to drink which I had wanted to do for a good 3 hours by now. In the ward Alex my little brother got out his camera and showed me all the pictures of the animals from the Safari they had been on. This was taking my mind off of the pain. I can remember waiting around for an hour in which Mr Burger came into see me and said that he’ll replace my shirt for me as it was the first time I had worn it. Good luck or what...
At 6 o’clock this guy walked in wearing an orange shirt and jeans. Turns out he was the Doctor who we had to wait an hour for. My Mum quickly said to him ‘If there wasn’t a Nurse behind you I wouldn’t have let my Son go with you.’ His reply was funny. ‘They call me the electrician for a reason.’ So I stood up and with some tubes still attached to my right arm I carried them up some stairs in which I struggled to walk up as I still had pins and needles throughout my body. Stumbling on I got to his office, where he led me into a back room with a weird looking machine, told me to take a seat, and squirted medicine cocaine up my nostrils. The ‘cocaine’ didn’t really have any effect on me at all. After 30 seconds or less ‘The Doctor’ picked up a camera and started slowly placing it up my nose so that he could see my throat. This had also come back all clear thank god. He then prescribed me with some medication to take and it was time to leave at long last. After getting the tubes removed out of my arm I said thank you to all the Doctors and Nurses that had looked after me during the day, grabbed my stuff and walked across the hospital topless getting hundreds of weird looks off people.
And that was the scariest day of my life.

5/2/2011

Help needed......send tea bags

We are going to Kyalami near Johannesburg to see #TopGear, in March for Alex's 12th Birthday. Shhh but we are all big fans of the show.

Dan has challenged me to get the team to bring out some PG Tips tea bags.

I keep missing @BBC_TopGear on twitter so I've sent them an email....

'Please bring PG tips with you to Kyalami as I've run out. Moved from Malvern in the UK, to Centurion 3 weeks ago, kids in school, hubby in work and I need my tea bags.

Go on accept the challenge, I'll brew up and be Mother.

Suzanne (aged 39 and a half)'

this scares the living daylights out of me

This picture was taken whilst travelling at 120kms per hour on the N1 towards Pretoria. I dread to think what would happen if there was an accident.

How’s that for a training pitch?

This is where Alex and I will now be spending Mon, Tues and Thurs evenings while Daniel plays football with TUKs at Pretoria University.

Being a Foreigner

Well I never!!!!!
So far we’ve been called Pomms, Immigrants and foreigners.
We can’t get a car loan as we are required to pay it off in two years as that is the length of the visa, despite the fact the job is open ended. I’m not allowed to work, but Peter is paying local taxes and we will be paying rent and spending our money in South Africa, yet we are treated as a flight risk.....
If we get a loan for a car then decide to leave the country, there is nothing anyone can do about it...but hold on a minute...don’t they realise how much it cost us to get out here in the first place, visas, x rays, police checks, a year’s deposit for both kids at school and a year upfront, furniture removal, additional luggage at the airport plus the flights.
Oh and don’t forget...I have a car in the UK sitting on my parents drive I can’t sell and the Tax is due in March, plus it’s still fully insured, a house we are paying a mortgage on that is sitting empty waiting for tenants, the set up costs, electricity and gas safety checks, redecoration, new carpets after the flood (not off insurance) the energy efficient certificate, the stuff we had to give away or sell for a loss (ebay), agents fees.....
So right now we can’t afford to go home (not that we want to)..bank account was a great achievement, which has enabled us to rent a house from March, but in the mean time we are being fleeced....need 3 months bank statements for mobile contract, internet and land line.....
So I’ve decided to do what others do.....
‘I’m a Nigerian representative for the exiled King...send bank details to thechickendoesjoburg.co.za’