The robots are out in Bryanston

He robots* are out in Bryanston, that’s what we hear nearly every day on the travel news on Highveld 94.7fm, it’s quite often the only piece of travel news, and all is well in the world.....

You see when the robots are out it’s due to a power cut or more likely cable or transformer theft.

Power cuts are often and many and last for days even a week on one occasion. We have a generator at our property, it fires up once a week to check itself and the floors vibrate but it’s proven to be invaluable. You can’t hear the TV over it. After making many requests for operating instructions and how and when to refuel we finally have an answer we’re happy with...the first suggestion was I put my hand in the tank and guessed how much diesel there was as there as there isn’t a gauge, but we’ve since been informed that it transmits a message to the contractor who comes out and refuels when needed.

Enough of the generator, back to the power cuts...2 days before U2 played at the Coca Cola dome in Jo’burg, a team of people climbed down a man hole and stripped the stadium bare of its electricity cables. In March a nearby transformer was stolen and power wasn’t restored for over a week, this was due to the fact that the transformer had to be ordered and made in Cape Town. They prioritised the return of power, most houses had power returned within 24 hours by tapping into another transformer, businesses after that and the robots were the last to be turned on over a week later.

At the moment there are major roadwork’s off the N1 junction with the M18 Botha Ave and workmen have severed the electricity supply, the robots now work as a 4 way stop system and everyone is very good at taking turns.

Can you imagine the horror in the UK, the stories in the media of the plight of the British and individual stories of ‘human suffering’ (tongue in cheek) they just get on with it here; they still complain but most just accept it.

*Robots=Traffic Lights

Recycling

Recycling in the UK is everywhere...black wheelie bins like ornaments on the drive, different coloured bins or bags for paper, plastics, garden waste and glass....recycling bins in supermarket car parks and shopping centres and bins for drinks bottles and paper waste in high streets and festival grounds and heavy fines for disobeying.

Here in South Africa it’s a different story...the security estate we live in has black wheelie bins collected every Tuesday, they don’t mind if the lid is open or bags are piled up by the side and they don’t fine you if you put garden waste in or plastic bottles, it’s a private company and gets taken to landfill. There’s also a paper collection that you put out in orange bags on the 2nd and 4th Friday of the month and that’s about it, although I’ve heard rumours of a plastics collection but I haven’t sussed out what day yet.

Pick ‘n’ Pay hyper markets have a row of coloured wheelie bins inside the main door and a few of the smaller shops collect batteries and ink cartridges but they are hard to find.

I use PLANTLAND, a chain of garden centres; the one in Irene, nr Centurion has a collection of coloured oil drums for items for recycling. It is collected by a local charity and sold with the money raised going to the Mentally Handicapped (yep, still called that here and not Learning Disabled). The other option is to hand any bottles to the men that stand at the robots at the Atterbury Junction near Menlyn off the N1, as they collect rubbish in exchange for a small donation (20p or so) and they sell the plastic on.

How to be the perfect guest

Remember your host is NOT on holiday

Pay your way, buy coffees and insist on taking everyone out for a meal at least once

Don't buy your own goodies and hide them in your room, remember you're eating the food they paid for

Don't take the last, or use the last of anything

If your host offers toast and cereals for breakfast, don't go asking for a bacon sandwich

If you have food preferences or allergies it is YOUR responsibility to inform your host BEFORE you arrive

If you detect tension, take your book to your room, walk their dog (if they have one) or the kids to the park

Allow your hosts a bit of space, remember one or both may still be going to work daily and running around after kids etc, again you're on holiday their not

Tidy up after yourself, your host ISN'T your Mother and even if she is, you've left home now

He holds my hand

I've been depressed...I moved to the other side of the world...so what did you expect to hear?...I felt I had nothing to give and wasn't needed...my husband threw himself into his new job, new people, new opportunities and new places to travel, Cape Town in the 3rd week we were here and Europe and back to the UK within 3 months...the kids started school 48hrs after we arrived and joined all the sports teams and made friends really quickly, especially with their 'English' accents...

...and me?...I should be happy that I raised 2 kids that can cope with anything tha is thrown at them, 2 kids that apart from saying the goodbyes and a few tears for their Dad, family and friends in the UK, 2 kids that took to living in a new country like a duck to water...I am proud, I proud of the way they handled it all, I'm proud of the children, all grown up now that didn't come with us...and I'm proud of my husband for being offered such a wonderful position within his company...

But I've been down, miserable, depressed and when that happens I get angry, I push those nearest and dearest to me away...and it's made me realise how much my husband 'puts up' with me...or his words...'how much he loves me'

It's not just been moving here that's caused the depression, it's happened many a time when life has just been over whelming, this time it was losing my identity, who I was, what I did and how I did things, it wasn't just a move it was a whole new way of living. In the past it was triggered by being a single mum, getting married and then divorced, going through my husbands divorce with him, which just has to be the messiest thing I've ever seen and lasted for 3 years, (we were both seperated when we met)...

...and yet? I've never sought medical intervention, I've never given in to it...I've cried, I've screamed, I've run away, I've contemplated all sorts of things...thought about suicide, not actually doing it, but how it would affect my husband and my children, thought about a new identity...but would that be worse on the kids and my husband? the not knowing?

...it's that moment when you stand on a bridge, car keys in hand, sunglasses on your head and you lean over and at the last second you remember your sunglasses and grab them, but now you have your keys in your hand and you wonder what would happen if you just let go of them?...you know the inconvienence it would cause, you know the trouble you'd be in, you'd know the disapproving looks your partner would give you...so you don't do it...

...but when faced with that moment what do you do?...well i tell my husband, my friend, my confident, I tell him I'm unhappy, I tell him I'm hurting...

...and he takes the car keys from my hand and the sunglasses off the top of my head and he lets me lean over the bridge, holding my hand...and he keeps me safe.

how much more?

Are you a giver or a taker?

I'm a giver...not just of gifts, money or time...but of myself....

I'm a yes person, 'if you want something done ask a busy person' if I want something done, I do it myself.

Sometimes my thoughts and actions hurt people, but I am aware of this and I always do my best to rectify the problem, even when my thoughts and actions come about after reaching the stage of having had enough of the other person or situation...

What am I then?...Well, I always say yes, but then they want it done all on their terms and if I offer a suggestion it's wrong, interferring or worse I'm showing off, showing them up for their inadequecies...WTF? I can't do right for doing wrong...

There comes a time when I have to stop giving...I'm tired, I'm hurting...and if I complain then I'm a selfish, sensitive cow...

Anyone else find themselves hitting their head against a brick wall?

Sorry goes a long way

I've been up since 3am this morning, you know how it is?...your head is spinning...

So I got up...I'm not angry, I'm disappointed, we made so much effort prior to moving to South Africa to ensure that when we got here, the UK side of things would run itself and the bits we'd put into place would ensure a smooth transistion...we were wrong.

The bank let us down, the agent let us down, the removal firm let us down, the electric and gas company let us down, the insurance companies let us down and certain people let us down...

It was difficult to get hold of these people, get them to reply to emails, an automated response was easy enough 'we will reply to your email in the next two working days' in most cases I had to re email them to remind them, spend a fortune on hold or listening to music at a UK call centre (probably cheaper if I'd just called India direct)

I notified ALL the UK companies of our move to South Africa and requested all urgent communication was made via email. I have an acknowledgement letter or email off each and every one...

So what happens?

Threats of Court Orders and bailiffs, (for small sums of money in total no more than £300) lost furniture, cancelled bank cards...you name it we've had it and as a result I now have had to inform EVERYONE of change of address (again)...

And not one person or company has said 'sorry'

More Stress

When was the last time you bought a tyre?
How much did it cost?
Where did you buy it from?

Easy task, you've either answered a) it's a company car and I just booked it in the dealers, b) you can think for a few minutes c) don't have a car or d) my other half sorts those things out.

Last place I bought tyres from was near the fire station in Droitwich, cost £75 ish each.

So you pick up the phone directory, search for tyres or tires, look for the nearest garage to you, call round a few more to get a competitive price, maybe go in same day or they have to order them in for you...still with me...or you ask a colleague at work, a neighbour, your Dad...

What do you do when you don't know anyone?...a quick search on the internet tells me there are places near me, still struggling with accents, so visit in person...it appears there's no such thing as buying power here in South Africa, all tyres are the same price plus or minus R50-R100...

'Yep we can do that for you ma'am' 'how effing much?' 'R2000 if you want one today or R1,500 if you don't mind waiting a day or two'...wish me luck.

I've gone with the R1,500, refused to pay for it until it is fitted and now will wait for the phone to ring, maybe tomorrow, maybe sometime next week, maybe never...

You can't make this up

On Thursday I took a colleague of Peter's on Safari...we invited him to stay at our house while he was here with work. He's a good friend of Peters but I'd only met him the once in 2007.

We set off at 7am for a 2 hour journey to Pilensburg, we passed Sun City and got slightly lost, drove through a township and stopped for a document and vehicle check by the police..I asked 'why' they replied 'because we asked' 'OK' I explained I was English and would like this exp;aining and they were very helpful and polite and after checking our documents they gave us directions for the game reserve.

We had a good day, dfriving round the reserve looking for the elephants...I personally am of a mind that the elephants are either a) not real or b) 2ft tall and hidden in the grass...
but we did see Rhinos, Zebras, Giraffes and the best of all a Leopard.






We saw the majority of animals towards the end of the day as the sun was setting and they made their way towards the watering holes...the Leopard was just standing in the middle of the road, we were craning our necks looking for the elephants, it hung around long enough for us to lean out the car and take photos.

So slightly behind schedule we began our journey home...the gate ws locked we were no more than 10 minutes late..security indicated for us to step out of the car to inform us that they had no key, no radio and no mobile phone and we would just have to sit and wait till someone/anyone arrived...not impressed, there were wild dogs nearby plus you know lions etc...we sat, we waited, we laughed, we called home...'no really, we didn't do it on purpose'

35 mins later we were on our way home, 2 hours in the dark, the first part of the journey I was apprehesive, driving through built up areas on a singletrack road, but then we reached the N4 and I relaxed...N1....27kms to go, Peter is reheating tea..my guest informs me the car sounds a little funny and bang, at 120kms per hour in the outside of 3 lanes, my tyre blows, a controlled stop on the hard shoulder. The car stops we get out and quickly climb the barrier...the traffic is very fast...there's a break in the traffic so we grab food, blanket, personal items. We're near a toll booth, can't get through to OUTsurance so call Peter to explain...he sighs...and a few minutes later they call back.

'where are you Ma,am?'
'ermmmm I don't know,GPS says 27km north of home on N1 just past the 'What does it say on the toll Ma'am?'
I'm not a lot of use at this point and reply 'E Tag and Cash Only'
They finally establish where we are and reply 'a vehicle will be with you in 33 minutes'

We sit on the grass, the toll booth security check on us, OUTsurance call us, the tow truck company call to confirm they are on their way....

...and 17 hours after we set off, we arrive back home....still speaking, thankfully.

Oi...it's my car

It's my car
If I want things hanging from the mirror...what's it got to do with you?
It's not crap filling every compartment...it's my stuff
If I want the radio reprogramming...I'll do it
No I'm not too hot/cold...I've set the temperature like that for a reason
What rattle/noise...it's not interfering with my driving
How many times?...if you push the cigarette lighter in to hard, it will pop out, roll under your seat and I'll have to pull over to find it
Go drive your own car

It's not hot here

When I woke yesterday, there was a ground frost, all the neighbours have wrapped their shrubs, so I guess winter is here.

We've got underfloor heating and the air con has temperature settings up to 30c, but like most families it has to be sub zero for several months before my husband puts the heating on...it's not because he's from 'op north' and hardy, it's because he's from 'op north' and bloody tight.

So the winter duvets are on and the kids have extra blankets, the fluffy socks are out and being worn in bed.

The temperature in the evenings, after sun down are between 4 & 11c, in the day, although its autumn it actually feels like spring to me, there are flowers out and the tepmerature in the day rises into the mid 20c.

Several light layers of clothing are required, which are peeled off as the day goes on. I wear my winter boots in the morning and by the afternoon I change into sandals...

It's too chillyfor the pool now, but I'm still using the steam room.

We left the UK with a covering of snow on the ground. We had a proper white christmas spent in the Cotswolds with 8inches of snow and the temperature hadn't risen above freezing for several weeks.

We arrived in South Africa in the middle of summer with temperatures in the mid 30s.

When the weather starting to get chilly here, I was asked 'aren't you cold?' well no I wasn't, the people asking the question are wrapped up in hats, scarves and gloves, while I was peeling my cardi off...the kids are getting told off in school for not wearing their jumpers in the day as they are both too hot, while their class mates keeps their scarves on, cuddle their hot water bottles and sip hot drinks from their flask.....

I wonder how long it will be before we complain of being cold?

Now, it's cold now, the under floor heating doesn't work, we bought coal and chopped down a tree in the garden

Do you ask people how they met?

Is it a conversation opener?...are they really interested, am I just plain rude when I don't ask them how they met?...or are they just bloody amazed that we are a couple and wondering how the hell those two people could ever meet?

...and then sound surprised that it's been 'that long' and we're actually married...

I'd love to hear your thoughts on it...

BTW Yes he's older than me and I was the baby sitter *exits stage right to leave you pondering on this one*

Is it ever too much???????

We live almost in the middle of the security estate, the permimeter is 7km and we're a 2km drive from the main gate.

The main gate has swipe operated booms, security guards and CCTV. All visitors MUST enter and leave by the main gates...we have to call down to security, give them our name, address and a 5 digit PIN to identify ourselves, inform them eta and name of visitor...the visitor is given a plastic card, which the must hand back in when they leave.

The back gate is for residents only, we have a magnetic swipe key we use to operate the booms, there are armed guards and the back gates are locked every night at 6pm.

The estate has 24hr armed security, patrol cars and dogs...we pay a premium to live her, at least R7,000 (£650) per month extra compared to a similar property outside the estate...but we're safe...

It's quite a big deal to pack your family up and move to the other side of the world...and South Africa isn't exactally the safest of places to live...we're in Centurion approx 25 miles from Johannesburg and 10 miles from the capital Pretoria...you've all heard the stories of murder, car jacking etc...it DOES happen, so while we're adjusting to our new lives, we may as well be as safe as we can...

and yet...there have been several break ins at the security estate where we live. TV's, laptops, mobile phones etc have been taken...4 houses so far in our street, maybe 9 in total in the past 2 weeks...they think it's an inside job...bored, rich teens with a drug habit to feed...who knows?...

all I do know is, I listen to the news on the TV and Radio and I'm grateful for the premium...2 weeks ago a man was held at knife point in his own home, he was skyping with his son in NZ, who immediately called the SA Police...there was a gun fight...yes, the robbers stole a gun from the mans house and were taking pot shots at the police, in broad daylight, near a shopping centre outside the library, where I go twice a week, one robber was shot dead, no one else injured...then there was the cop firing out of a helicopter at a stolen car...

I've tweeted with people in the UK from South Africa who think I'm stir crazy for moving here and then people over here that have blocked me on twitter as they think I'm slagging this beautiful country off...I'm not I'm just telling it as it is...

Solomon

...is our gardener, we had problems with the first one, he made me feel uncomfortable...another woman on the estate called me to say he'd been stealing from her, so after that it was easy to let him go...anyway Solomon was recommended to us by a neighbour who had employed Solomon for the last 9 years.

Solomon speaks English, but it's a slow process. Solomon also didn't attend school and this is evident, not by what he says but how he says things...He calls me 'Mamie'..I've only ever heard that in the old black and white films and it makes me smile...

I helped Solomon in the garden today, he told me what to do and how to do it...he also ordered me to fetch him tea and toast, mid morning and told me at 12.10pm I was 10 minutes late with his lunch...he's company for me, so I don't really mind, it's a language thing, he's not being rude...

I pay Solomon R150 per day (approx £14) I feel bad, he works hard, takes few breaks and arrives at 7.30am and leaves at 3pm...his wife works on the estate also as a housekeeper and he's finally realised why I do my own house work...he says 'Mamie, you must not work, you must rest, do what the other Mamie's do' ... I keep explaining to him that I have nothing else to do and it keeps me sane, hence why today I was working alongside him in the garden...'Mamie, come, work, garden, I show you what to do'... I love gardening and I played dumb, cringing as he told me to water the plants in the middle of the day, when the sun is shining brightly,I refained from saying 'but you'll scorch the leaves'...

Solomon asks me for a lift to the back gate, I tell him where the children's school is and ask if he'd like a lift to the station...I've given Solomon some Roses tea bags, a couple of packets of instant pasta and a packet of biscuits, he insists I write a letter to say I've given him these things, so the security guards don't accuse him of stealing...I tell him he's in my car, we will just drive out...he says 'No, Mamie, you must write it'...

I drop Solomon at the train station, he is very grateful...'I will get home early tonight Mamie, my wife will be very happy and when I give her the gifts she will smile'...

It takes Solomon 5 hours to get home, 2 trains, a bus and a 5 mile walk at the end of a 8 hour day and his travel costs????? half of what I pay him...

Pro's and Con's

Returning to the UK is NOT an option, Ok we've still got a house there, but that's it, just a house, not a home....home for me is where i am, where my husband and children are..it's sad that we've left 3 of them behind, but they'd already left home...so technically we didn't leave them anywhere.

So when asked to come up to South Africa....we didn't draw up a pro's and con's list....silly?...no not really as Peter had been asking work for a move abroad for a long time, egged on mainly by me, but what a fantastic opportunity it would be...new language, experiences, cultures, fantastic on the kids CV...but South Africa....OMG...we thought Europe, Denmark even...we never dreamed we would come here, it's not even a place we'd thought of for holidays (been to Tunisia and Egypt)......

So now we're here what are the pro's and con's?

Pro's
Experience, weather, culture, fantastic people, safari's, lions, giraffes, (who stole the elephants?)
Private schools (not at our expense for a change), the house..WOW..it's huge we could never afford this in the UK, a pool, a steam room, seperate living area for the eldest and for visitors (when are you coming over), the food, the supermarkets, the malls, car insurance (it's so much cheaper), the medical facilities (however it would drop into con's if we didn't have med aid, the roads (round here anyway are fantastic)

Con's
We've acclimatised...25c is too cool to go for a swim (mind you pool is bath size so can't swim in it anyway...lol), shops shut early on weekends and no 24hr service, shoot outs in the streets (but we've not been involved and they're areas we wouldn't go to anyway, but its scary as a Brit to hear and read about it) robbery inside the estate (hey our neighbours were robbed prior to us coming out here), trying to get anything done (that's just the way things are here, you have to queue for everything, they even pay people to queue for them here) racism (one bad experience, unfortunatly the bloke was a twat and used me being English as an excuse to be an even bigger twat), pot holes (big buggers, they'd close the roads in the UK for ones that size)

So apart from all that, we can't complain....but we do..the reason we complain is 'we just don't know how to do things'....how do I know what I need to know unless someone tells me, I'm not thick, I've been doing all of this in the UK, yes there has still been problems, but I know what to do there, how the system works, friends, family, colleagues for guidance and support, to moan at, to phone up on my behalf...we struggle here because we do it alone....

So here is the breakdown..no not mine but why I feel like this?

September 2010

Do you want to move to South Africa?
...keep it quiet no one at works knows about it yet

October

Looks like it's going to happen
...tell kids, ask their dad his permission, tell eldest son who's not coming with us, tell parents, finally get hold of step son in Germany to tell him, keep it off facebook a bit longer

Novemeber

Hubby flies to South Africa
...told his secretary who is sworn to secrecy, start to tell a few trusted friends, get confirmation the move is going ahead, tell everyone, had in notice at work

December

Get decorators in, find agent to rent house, inform banks, Doctors, last visit to dentist, visas, chest xrays, police record checks, organise removal of furniture, say goodbyes, cry, scream, shout, sell stuff, goodbye parties, more goodbyes, more tears, think of everyone you need to inform, pension, child benefit agency, homeless for christmas, furniture removed 23rd Dec, kids at their dads, more tears, christmas with @mediocre_mum, @annieqpr, @cbolam and their families...new year with the neighbours....

January

Visas, more goodbyes, move to Manchester, Visas, back to London, say goodbye again to eldest, tears, Manchester, South Africa arriving on the 19th, heat, tears, WTF?,kids in school, buy uniform, apartment, no phone, sister in UK gives birth very poorly, safari, explore, no sat nav, find hospital, son in A&E no phone, get payg Sim, no car, walk, thunder and lightening storms, phonecalls on street corners, dark, scared, no sat nav, no money, cards frozen, get local bank account, all offers of help non exsistant, here you go, get on with it, storms, floods, hot,study, assignment, stress, kids, rows, I'm going home.

February

Find furniture, container lost, rent house, no phone, no sat nav no car, difficulties, get loan, get car, get insurance, get satnav, rent house, container still lost, visit customs, pay money, complete paperwork, container lost, safari, explore, study, stress.

March

Move, get eldest from airport, Durban, beach, switch off, shopping, no money, get electric and water put on, phone line, TV, get house insurance, report faults, queue, queue, queue, got money, swim, safari, golf, relax, study, stress, son returns, more upset, hubby back to UK, pays bills, sorts out going UK problems, visits family, visits friends, (yes that's you Linda and Chris), says goodbye, more upset, thunder, lightening, assignment, stress, mothers day.

April

Got money, no mobiles, no dog, can have dog, cant find dog we want, birthdays, unpaid bills in UK, court orders, we sorted this, FFS, fed ups, rows, tantrums, I'm going home, tears, stress, assignment, internet fails, no mobiles, repairs carried out on house, SAFA won't register son, tantrums, storms out of vodacom and not for the last time, chilly, golf, no swimming, nails, hair, shopping, glass panel falls from balcony, collect step son from airport, sun city, townships.

May

Cries, wants to go home, buys dining table, nails done, breaks down in school, golf, no mobile, storms out of another phone suppliers, more UK issues, FFS, email all UK companies with list of complaints, changes address to SIL, stress, shouts, football......

what next?

June

Mum and Dad for 3 weeks

July

MIL and SIL for 2 weeks

August

?????ex husband out see his kids, hubby and I to Cape Town, Port Elizabeth, Durban

December

2 weeks in UK

Will you be my friend?

I'm not ill, or nor is anyone I know, no one has died....so why do I feel so sad and alone...he's been such a great experience moving to South Africa, the country side the people, the way of life, but it's fucking hard doing it on your own. I've really connected on twitter, facebook and through internet searches with some lovely, amazing, fantastic people who have provided great moral support and offered friendship, and even though it helps knowing there are other people in the same situation, each and everyone of us is different and we experience things in different ways......I haven't cried this much since my Gran died in 2005, my sister, my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc all had their own way of dealing with it and we all coped in different ways..I still cry now when I think of my gran, especially how much she'd love all of this, telling people about her granddaughter moving to the other side of the world. I cried when our furniture arrived and the first thing I unpacked was her tea set. They became nice tears, tears of happy times....

But I keep crying, it is gut wrenching, my nose snorts snot, I cry till I fall asleep, I keep disappearing into public loos cos I cry for no reason...I cry because there is a hole, and I don't know how to fill it....I attended parents evening and left after 3 minutes...'Hi, How are you?, are you settled now?' I cried..... 'I'm so alone here, I don't know how to use the internet, can't get a mobile phone, don't know how to pay the bills online so spend at least one day a week in a queue so long I'm starting to think about taking a picnic with me'....no it's not the same as the UK, it's not just the language, although everyone speaks English, the accents don't help I struggle to understand them as much as they struggle to understand me. The culture, the way of life, values, standards, expectations, obvious racism (this is rare, but so upsetting to witness) the poverty, the work conditions and pay for so many people...I've got to stop measuring it by UK standards, there's nothing wrong with the way things are done here, everything is relative and you can't change the world, but nevertheless some of it is distressing.

I've got no friends, no job and even had to pack my studies in...can't do the last year of a degree without any support at all....OK so see above, I'm safe, I'm not poor, I have my health, my husband, my children, but I've given up everything that makes me, me...don't feel sorry for me, that's not the point... @mediocre_mum suggested I take up knitting or have a baby..there's plenty of groups out there, she also recomends that you DON'T google 'lonely and bored in Pretoria' trust me I've ignored her advice before and been shocked....I know you mean well when you suggest I make an effort to get out there and meet people, join the gym, what about the neighbours.....I am a very sociable person....I had coffee with the woman who owns the hairdressers that I've only been to once, I was in a cafe taking to the waitress who was telling another member of staff...'she's English, she doesen't want any shite in her latte, she likes it week and don't put honey in it or she pulls a face' anyway the hairdresser woman came and said hi and I bought her a 'shite free' coffee. My first girlie chat in months...and I'm going out Monday night for a glass of wine with Dans teacher after she reduced me to tears with her earlier question and said 'what can I do to help?' I pathetically replied 'be my friend'

I would be lost without so many of you, but particulary @talloracle and @mulledred, vetrans of moving abroad with families, not working, leaving the UK behind, check out their tweets and blogs, then you'll see its not just the chicken having a moan, this is what it is like, the rest of you are fantastic also but I'm frightened if I name you all I'll miss someone out, but you know who you are keep the messages on facebook coming, the emails, the skype calls, the letters, the goodies and the parcels....but apart from you lot very, very sadly there are only a few 'real' people that are making the same effort...Hi Serena, if you're reading...you're one of them that keeps me going, just get yourself on facebook please. I think the novelty for many others has worn off by now..it started well, biut it's not the same..so thank you,you keep me going, although I've lost a few along the way, but that's their loss...i've got enough on my plate without their issues.

Thank you everyone

Whether it's been tea bags, football programs, letters, tweets, emails, skype calls or messages of concern on Facebook, I seriously wouldn't be getting through this without it all and you. Keep up the good work, keep calm and carry on and thank you.

But I'm English

'what do I need to get a mobile phone on contract?'
3 months of bank statements, proof of address, ID
*presents documents*
'I can't give you a wage slip, you never said I needed a wage slip, Im not allowed to work, FFS ok I'll get my husband to take contract out in his name'
*gets letter from husband giving permission to obtain bank statements, 3 months worth and stamped by bank*
'here you go, all documents present and correct, what do you mean proof of address is in the wrong name? Why can't you accept it?'
*trundles home to get proof of address*
'you're having a laugh, I can't what?....take out a 24 month contract as I've only got 21 months left on visa, you made ne wait 3 months to get the bank statements'

and every time we think it cant get any worse....

Can't adopt a dog from the SPCA...our Visa is only for two years
Can't work...my Visa says visitor only
Alex has been poorly all week, don't know what's wrong with him, but at least it's not Visa related, temp of 38.7c
It's nearly winter...OK the sun still shines and the temps are in the 20s
The internet is bloody useless, keeps cutting out
The power keeps going off
The post is very very slow in reaching us...feels like we've been forgotten
Salary keeps getting buggered up
Hubby has had a tax bill from the UK
Discovery are still make legal demands from Dans hospital visit the first week we here
The house we are renting has dodgy electrics
and then this happened:


a loose glass panel decided to smash on the patio below, thankfully Alex didn't go over the top with it...I am so bloody angry

Moving on.....

So the kids are settled in school, made friends, Dan is playing every sport under the sun (quite literally) Peter is busy with his work.....I’ve found us a house to rent, sorted out all the utility bills (see previous comments for the hassles there) unpacked all the furniture, made it ‘Home’...wrote 55 letters to family and friends, posted hundreds of photos on facebook and squillions of updates on twitter...so now what?

I’m bored, I’m lonely......’it’ll be ok, lucky you not having to work, you’ve got the glorious sunshine, what more could you ask for?’

Oh I don’t know maybe a bit of understanding about what it’s like to go from full time working Mum of xx amount of children.....cook, cleaner and bottle washer, student, taxi driver, social butterfly...lol...to what exactly?.....Peter takes the kids to school at 6.30am every morning and I collect at 4pm, then it’s off to soccer for Dan, dragging a protesting Alex along...so what’s new there then?....It’s a long 9 and a half hours to be alone every day...I’ve written back to everyone that’s written to me...I’ve shopped and posted pressies...feeling a little guilty about moving so far away...the house is spotless, so come whenever you like, you won’t catch me out...well maybe there will be ironing but there’s plenty of places to hide it.

So as I’m not getting the sympathy I so crave (you know who you are) I’ve got 1 option which is to just bloody well get on with it...people aren’t going to come and find me if they don’t know I’m there...so that leaves me 2 choices...and as I can’t play golf for toffee...I’m going to join the gym........

Life is so different for kids here

It was Alex's 12th Birthday today and he invited 5 friends round to do what boys do and make a mess between the hours of 2pm and 6pm. 7 friends arrived at 9am this morning. I've made breakfast, lunch and tea with snacks and drinks inbetween and they've entertained themselves all day with the X box, the pool, darts and badminton.
The boys that came called me Ma'am, despite my insitance they call me Suzanne and were very polite. They are all South African from birth and have lived here all their lives.....but there was one thing that drove me mad and in the end I sat them down and we talked about the differences between South Africa and England....you see they all have Maids and while their Parents are at work during the school holidays, the maids look after them, they come and go during the day, she fixes them and all their friends lunch and she tidies up after them.....the boys were so messy, not toys etc but with their food, they spilt drinks and left it there, they dropped food on the stairs where they were walking around...they weren't rude, they weren't lazy they just didn't realise what they were doing.....so when I explained I was the maid here and I'd looked after them all day would they mind helping me to tidy up?......no problem, they swept, they mopped and they picked up all the rubbish off the floor, they laughed and messed around and we actually had fun....loads of thank you Suzanne for having us, can we come back tomorrow?.....NO...I don't want to see you all till Monday..but I know they'll be back, as I heard them say to Alex, you're Mum is so cool, we need to come back and finish off the cake...to which Alex replied....she wouldn't be cool if she was your Mum..I let him off...it's his birthday.

WTF? You've obviously got issues.

I tweeted this last night....Spelling mistakes and all

'oh it got dark quick got to drive home now abd avoid the idiots #thisisafrica no such thing as MOTs abd working headlights'

How the fact is that offensive? and has caused one person to block me and another to have a right go at me on twitter

The #hashtag #thisisafrica was mentioned to me by a South African friend from Cape Town now living in Canada....they explained to me that everything you've ever experienced is different in Africa (South Africa) I've seen the hashtag used in many tweets and my use of it is to explain to people (manily people in the UK) that when something gets me down, or is difficult or is so very different from the UK, that I'm not judging the country for it's faults I'm letting the reader know that I understand it is different here..


Oh and the bit about the working headlights is fact.....no annual vehicle checks like MOTs or equivalant here...and the reference to the idiots is aimed at the people who drive without headlights...not all people in South Africa...so ner

'Can I use your loo?'

So picture the scene, you have workmen, visitors, family etc in your house...

'May I just pop to the loo?'

'Of course, 2nd door on the left...or turn right at the top of the stairs'

Now me personally if it's family or friends, yes upstairs, if it's workmen then it's the downstairs option only.

What goes through your mind as they go off to the loo?

Is it clean, is there a towel, did the kids piss all over the floor again...panic, panic...you meant to check it before they came round didn't you?

So your visitor has a dump, you know this because they've been up there for ages....after they've gone you check the loo...OK maybe not...but the next time you use it there's a slight odour, but you can smell the air freshener used to mask it, the sink may or may not have been swilled through, the towel may have dropped on the floor and maybe they've used the bleach and the toilet brush after them...... well you know what you'd do when using someones elses house that's why you go to the trouble of putting all the stuff there, cos you use it and do that after you've had a dump in your own toilet, so why wouldn't anyone else.

Well if you live in a shed if your really lucky, or a badly constructed lean too with a corrugated roof or really unlucky a cardboard one....(just remember we've just finished the rainy season)...you're going to have a total different set of standards and values aren't you?...and this is why the gardener will not be using my toilet again...I've spoken with the neighbours and their maid is going to open up their outside toilet for him to use.

The grass isn't greener.

You know it's easy to say...

'lucky cow, wish I had an opportunity like that, you wouldn't hear me moaning, it can't be THAT bad, you've got the sunshine, your family are healthy, why are you complaining so much'

go on I know that's what some of you are thinking

'how hard can it be to open a bank account and rent a house and buy a car? We've all done it, moved that is....had the trauma's of something getting broken, the chain falling through, it raining on removal day, an outstanding bill we forgot to pay, something we left behind, the kids playing up, having to settle them into a new school, coupled with your Partner starting a new job'

Well let me tell you it's very hard.....

There isn't a manual on moving to the other side of the world...there was endless help from family and friends in the UK prior to us leaving, you remember how stressful it was...but there was NOBODY here when we arrived...there are many of you that have done it and you have all been fantastic....seriously the advice I've had in a moment of crisis has been amazing, the phone calls, emails and tweets have kept me going....but even then each move abroad for each family is different, some of you are packed up and shipped out to a new home and life but your companies, some of you have done it all by yourselves, some of you have done it numerous times and there's nothing that you coould have told me that would have made it any easier.....

'So what's your biggest problem then, Suzanne?'

Well we're all speaking the same language...sometimes, but I really struggle with the accents, especially over the phone and it seems to be the way here that if you say you don't understand, they just raise their voice, which doesn't actually help....explaining that you're English and don't understand how things work here, isn't really helping either....the response of 'well you did these things in the UK didn't you?' doesn't actually mean anything, because unless you understand how things are done in the UK you can't understand how very, very different they are done here.

'So what can we do to help you?'

To be honest, nothing, you're not here, you don't have a clue any more than I do about how you sort things out, your impression of the country is one of sunshine, crime and violence, you don't really know it's still a 3rd world country, the poverty, yet the friendliness of the people, the racism directed at the English and the Domestic staff, (still called servants by many) the slow pace of the country and no you can't compare it to a sleepy English market town or Sunday afternoon drivers...you have to live here to understand....

So come and visit, see this fantastic lifestyle we have, keep me company for two weeks, let me drive you around the Safari parks and the nature reserves and take you shopping in this safe and beautiful country....but you won't see the troubles, the fear we felt on arrival, experience the loneliness because we'll be together, having a laugh and a fun time.....

If you don't want my comment don't post in my timeline

I don't just link this blog to twitter...I have a lot of family and friends that read our adventures in South Africa, the only comments I recieve are if they think I've mentioned them in a negative light or they don't agree with my opinion....but for those of you that tweet, you'll know I talk about all sort of stuff that doesn't make it onto the blog as it's usaully 'in reply' to comments on twitter or when a topic has really wound me up and I need more than 140 characters...well here's my latest rant....

I can't read your DM's, I can't see you emails and I'm not privvy to your text messages, phone calls or face to face meetings....If you post a comment on twitter or even facebook for that matter, you will recieve a reation, people will either agree with you in which case you'll gain new followers and friends and you'll gush at the responses, you'll thank people for their help and support and you'll blog 'I knew I was a good mummy' but if you get a negative response or an honest response or someone suggests a way to do something that you just don't like...you'll unfollow, you'll get upset, you'll post 'revenge' comments, you'll gather support from the first lot, who without any investigation will take your side and join in with the 'oh, just ignore them' 'who do they think they are'

I saw a few tweets that caused me great concern, I was worried for the individuals safety and the welfare of their young children, I suspected Post Natal Depression and asked a few people on twitter via DM for some advice...I was a family support worker for many years and yes I am qualified not to make a diagnosis but when to know something just isn't right...well I made a suggestion...stop tweeting and go see your doctor, midwife, husband, parents...yoou need help and twitter isn't giving you what you need..it's just telling you 'you're ok, carry on you're doing a marvellous job as a mummy'

they blocked me, told me to mind my own business... dont fucking put it on twitter then in the public timeline...but mission complete...they were away from twitter for a while, returned and announced they had PND and now in the process of trwatment and therapy and thanking everyone on twitter for their kind words...they haven't unblocked me, but I do wish those that said 'carry on' had said the right words instead of what they just thought the other person needed to hear.

oh and for those of you that do join in with the assination of someone who showed genuine concern, please read the whole conversation (in reply to ) before you jump on the bandwagon.

I'll not lie

3 months ago when we arrived in Jo'burg I was bloody petrified....and all for no reason at all.... not one person had anything positive to say about this beautiful country, granted most of the information we recieved was from South Africans now living in the UK, foolishly we believed they moved because it was too dangerous, and now we discover it isn't at all....
Ok so we live in a secure estate and we're half way between Jo'burg and Pretoria and not really in a tourist or dangerous area....but there are townships, nearby, the sat nav warns me as I approach a high crime area, basically every set of Robots, exit or entrance slip road....I drive at night, been out without a satnav and only a rough idea of where I'm going....I've walked from mall to mall and I've even stopped and given people a lift....but there are areas I won't go, there are routes I wouldn't pick anyone up on (usually give women a lift from the estate to the train station on the school run)....I keep my mobile in my front trouser pocket, I now carry a handbag which is secured under my seat when driving and crossed over my chest when I'm shopping. If I'm walking I carry the bare minimum in my pockets (no outward show of valuables to be robbed) I go into bars and cafes on my own and chat with people, I'm now more assertive in telling the gardener and the pool guy what I want doing and how....I'm embrassing the lifestyle here and loving it....

Who would've thought it?

Guess you know the story by now, but 6 months ago we were ticking along nicely in the UK, kids in school, Dan in his final year, Alex in his first at secondary, Jamie left home and moved to Reading, Andrew based in Germany waiting for his call up to Afghan and Steph settled over in Gloucester....fantastic support from family and very dear friends. Peter in his 25th year with the company and more and more opportunities to travel and I was at the start of a promising career in Child Welfare, some part time lecturing and nearing the end of my degree in Psychology and Criminology.

Then one day back in October, Peter and Alex came to pick me up from work one and blurted out 'We've just had a call, how do you fancy moving to South Africa?'

3 months later we left the UK and arrived at Jo'burg airport, now 3 months on, kids are settled in school, Peter still travelling, already been to Cape Town and Port Elizabeth and back to the UK via a conferance in Lisbon. We all went to Durban when Jamie came to visit, Andrew due out soon, my parents in June and Peter's mum and sister in July. I'm still studying for my degree and life in general couldn't get any better...there have been some low points (see previous blogs) but we've moved on now and ready and more prepared for the next challenge.

that's it we're here to stay

They came and collected all the boxes today...so I guess that's it...we now live in South Africa, UK house rented for a year, so nowhere to return to now anyway...and we're loving it.

Is there anything you want?

PG Tips and Pork sausages

I'll let you know when I need more Tea..at the moment I have 2 parcels in transit with thanks to facebook friends Suzi and Becks....and I've instructed my parents to bring some with them when they come out in June....please don't send sausages though.....

Just post, that's all, drop me a line and let me know how you're doing..it's my lifeline and I can't get enough of it...please excuse the delay in replying..it takes about 2 weeks for your letter to get here and aanother two weeks to recieve a reply

Go ahead unfollow if you want

So many more people are more open these days and with the advances in technology and social networking you are never more than a few tweets/status up dates/google searches away from the answer.

But please be careful..there is too much information out there and before you know it you've convinced yourself you've got cancer/your child is autistic/you're allergic to the 21st Century.

My reasons for writing this post are to ask some of you...and please don't ask if I mean you?...to STOP treating your children as mini adults, to STOP labelling them as talented/special needs/allergic/angels etc etc......let them be kids, let them grow up without Kumon lessons and ballet classes, let them be them and not little versions of what you wanted to be....give up the labels...they are self imposed, STOP comparing and competing...even if you don't think you are some of you really don't know how much upset you cause others with your comments....

You're children are beautiful, they are precious, of course you would die to protect them...just remember not everyone else will see them that way...and that is life

Geninue allergies (life threatening) and Special needs with Statements are excluded from all above comments.

#silentsunday

Saying Sorry

I live in a house full of males, I enjoy sport and probably go to more football matches than anyone in my family...I worked in a male dominated environment (football) ....so why can't I learn?

I'm not trying to rewrite the book...just have my say that's all....

If I bump into you, knock your arm while you're eating, take the wrong turn, break something etc...I apologise, automatically, I don't have to think about...so why can't you?

Saying sorry is NOT an admission of guilt, you are not admitting that you did the said act on purpose, it wasn't deliberate...I know that...and I WON'T hold it against you...but I will keep on about it till you tell me you're sorry.

Nothing is EVER easy

We’ve been in the country 88 days, not long is it?...I’ve never even visited South Africa before arriving here and Peter came for 1 week November 2010 to see if he liked it here.
In the UK, you know what you’re doing.....this is usually based on information from your family environment, friends and colleagues and from experience.......Mortgage providers, solve a dispute with a gas bill, best mobile phone contract....you know what magazines to read for reviews, you have a preference for a type of car and knowledge of how much things cost and whether you’re being ripped off or not...and if you don’t know.....you google, you ask.....
Well we don’t have any of that.......
We had no idea what so ever about anything in South Africa.....prices of cars.....who the insurance firms are...do we have a choice of provider for the electric....who operates the satellite TV...where to buy school uniform from?
We also had no internet, bank account or telephone.....so couldn’t google a thing.
What we did have was a good supportive network from the UK...mmmm we were wrong there...we opened up a bank account with the ‘World’s largest bank’ which would provide us with a credit history, off shore banking and a local bank account...they forgot to mention that off shore banking would cost more for each transaction as they don’t actually have a branch in SA, which means we can’t have local banking, which means we don’t have a credit history.
We couldn’t get a mobile phone or internet access as we didn’t have 3 months of bank statements (see above) so we couldn’t find out what we needed to do and how to do it.
We had to do everything at the same time...we needed a house to rent...but needed to phone agents...we needed a car to visit the houses to rent...but needed a bank account to finance a car...
I’m a resourceful person and although there was a HR person, who has since left the company (I for one won’t miss them), all they did was sort out Peter’s contract, rent an apartment for 6 weeks, in their name...so we had no proof of address, put us in touch with an agency to sort the Visa’s and authorised our expenses in regards to getting here....(see previous blogs for Removal Company, Driving Licence and Visa hassles, you don’t need to go back too far...we only started the whole process in November 2011)
Peter is trying to settle into his new job, different cultures, languages, methods of doing business, thankfully the children were sorted in school within 48hrs so I wasn’t dragging them around...I took to the streets, quite literally, I had to walk and drive to places armed with a local map of the area, no sat nav....prior to coming out here the advice I was given was not to do this...I stood on street corners, panicking as I made telephone calls and arrived unannounced at the kids schools and pleaded to use the internet to contact house agents. I walked into chemists and asked for advice on how I use the med aid card?...how I get a dentists?...the local cafe owner drew me a map for the local library, so I could study.
So everywhere I go and everything I need to do this is how it goes.....
‘I’m from England.....I’ve only been in the country xxxx weeks, I don’t know how things works here, please will you help me?’
Then these are the additional questions we now know we need to ask.......
‘Does the copy have to be stamped? And who would you like me to stamp it?...the school, the bank...the police...’(utility bills, DSTV)
‘Does this form need a witness to sign?...do you supply the witness or shall I get one?...can it be a stranger off the street (Customs) can it be my husband? (permission to have my own bank account) can it be my son? (Library card)’
‘Do I need additional forms, to the ones you’ve just told me about?’...
Everywhere we go and for everything we do we carry the following...even if they have a certified stamp, you still have to show original.....
Passport
Visa
Contract of employment
Proof of residency
Driving Licence, paper and photo card and The AA International Driving Permit
Bank Statement – Current
...and that is just the bare minimum
There’s always something else they’ll ask for.
The reason I write this today is Peter is on his 3rd visit to the Vehicle Licensing Department to prove that he is allowed to buy a car...I can’t buy my own car as my visa is for a visiting, therefore I can’t get my own finance, Peter can...We already have the car, it has plates, I have Insurance in my own right...thanks to ‘OUTsurance’...and another thing we also found out is when someone says to you...’It’s OK don’t worry about anything, we will sort it all out for you’....means we’ll forget to tell you something and you’ll have to do it...usually within 72hours...’you don’t need any paperwork...just the copy of your passport........’

Do you have staff?

I had a cleaner in the UK, 3 hrs once a week, she cleaned bathrooms, dusted and hoovered, the things I struggled with, but I was working full time, with 3 active teenagers at home.

Now I'm here in South Africa I am expected to have a maid, I'm not working and there are now only 2 kids at home.

We have a gardener, he was sort of forced on us....he mows the lawn when I tell him to do so and sweeps up afterwards. He also uses the hose pipe to chase the leaves around the garden. He works from 7.30am til 2.30pm for R150 per day (about £12) He demanded I feed him and what at set times during the day and is constantly on his phone...after I've paid him and he goes home I spend at least an hour tidying up after him. He is constantly knocking on the door or window needing things. During the day I have to ask him to do or not to do certain things and personally I see it all as a waste of time..I enjoy gardening, but it's not the done thing to do it yourself.

Same with the pool guy he comes twice a week for R250 per week and he keeps telling me off as there are leaves in the filter...I explain it's autumn and I can't do anything about it, he mutters some more at me and I end up apologising.

I don't want a maid, I don't want someone in my house all day. I like things done a certain way, I'm not OCD, but don't see the point of redoing it afterwards. I also don't want to have to 'train' the maid and I don't want to have to tell her what to do.

I've heard and seen some funny/sad things with domestic staff.

Maid stood outside with brolley over washing in rain as she was told to put it out, but not bringing it in if it rained.

Gardener laying the paper out to dry, as it got wet in the rain and the maid ironing it.

Gardeners working in temps of high 30's and being told to drink from the hose pipe and not being allowed to use the outside toilet.

Maids being late by 5 minutes and without any come back, being sacked and gardeners not turning up for work as their grandmother has died (again) they seem to come from large families.

I think I'd rather just pay someone R150 per day to sit in the garden, out of my way while I just get on with the work.....I will end up employing someone to support the local economy

...but right now it's not my culture to have staff.

Too much hard work

I dread those words.....'do you fancy a Braai (BBQ)?'

me: er no not really
him: I'll cook
me: yeah I know you'll cook, but I don't want to be your skivvy
him: you sit down I'll do it all

and you know the rest.......

I haven't stopped

I made the salad
I got the trays out
I marinated the meat
I've held numerous plates, items of cutlery
I've fetched drinks, laid the table, found 'things'

Is it the same for you?

I'll see your pool and raise you a golf cart'

My 11yo has always been on the immature side, but then he is the youngest of 5, the eldest is profoundly disabled and we've have been fearful that as the children grow up they won't want to play with her anymore, shes loves rough and tumble just like a toddler. Peter and I haven't had any children together and that has always been a sad point in our relationship, but the kids are all ours despite regular contact with their dad and occasional interferance form their mum.

We have family words that we use, to our own embarrasment outside the family home..such as puter and saying duck instead of stuck and can you do this undone for me...all the little things the kids used to say that made us laugh...unfortunalty the youngest feels he should still use these for real and accompanies them with his best baby voice, I think he thinks that we like it.....

The youngest is 12 in less than 2 weeks, he has a large collection of Pandas on his bed and a fireman rug, he also has a blanket that if we move he goes mental about...yeah, yeah I can hear you all, it's my fault, wanting another baby so keeping him as one etc etc.....but meet me and my family and you'll see that's not the case.....

We've spent lots of time with the psychologist and self referred to psychiatrist for concerns in regards to youngest, his toilet habits and his lack of educational progress, spend time with him and you'll see what a difficult, yet, intelligent child he is, spend too much time and you'll see his issues.

But the light bulb came on this morning....we've worked it all out.

Since moving into the estate on the 1st of March the youngest child has changed, we no longer have the blanket, his teddies have been put in the cupboard and his rug removed from his room and dumped in the laundry, he's making a real effort in school, despite being on permenant catch up, he is officially dyslexic. So why the change?

My son has been in private school since the beginning, he boarded for 2 years (years 2 & 3) and continued to board as and when he wanted to, he spent all his weekends at his dad's house of with grandparents...he didn't have friends....despite the school only being 4 miles from where we lived, his friends travelled from so far away it wasn't convienent to play....his friends nearby had trust accounts, granparents paying fees, mummies and daddies that I couldn't bare to spend time with and so much competition for Alex he felt the underdog and out of place.....

Since we've been here, despite still being in a private school, his friends come from normal families or they are ex pats with the company paying the fees, they live on the same estate, they go and play on the tennis courts or football on the fairways, they wander in and out of everyones houses and they don't need to compete, but it is impossible to do so here.

'I'll see your pool and raise you a golf cart'

Me time

Despite it NOT being Mothers' Day in South Africa until May, my family have decided to have it today as they were aware that as I had sent flowers to both sets of parents in the UK, I should also be spoilt.

'Me time' today has been spent potting my tomato plants, listening to music, baking cakes and hand sewing some curtains.

I love 'Me time'..Peter on the golf course, Dan on his xbox and Alex out with his friends....can't get enough of it.......

But I've had too much 'Me time' recently and it has got me down.....

I used to have a full time job, which was demanding and often involved late night working and nights away, I was studying for my degree and screaming out for time to read and write an assignment...I used to crave 'Me time', scream and shout to get it...one evening off a week to watch TV undisturbed, or a sunday afternoon, even if it was just to do the ironing.

Now I have 'Me time' all day every day and nothing to motivate me, keep me going, grab my attention, give me an idea for something.

And yet today, I'm enjoying my 'Me time' cos for the first time since we've been here...I feel normal, I feel I have a routine....Peter on the golf course, Dan on his xbox and Alex out with his friends...

So on Monday I'm going to get dressed the same time as everyone else, I'm going to work and study downstairs and come up for a drink and a snack when required, a change is as good as a rest and I'm going to make the most of it. It's half term on Friday (month off school) family are coming to visit in June and July. The two year restriction on my Visa to work will be over as quick as anything and I'll be craving my 'Me time' again.

Losing my Identity/Reinventing myself

'Hi, nice to meet you...yes I'm Peters wife, yes...yes the 2 boys are settling in well...they're 16 and 11...yes especially the eldest one hes loving his sport...yes it was a hard adjustment....the boys...oh loads of friends what with school and all that...oh I'm enjoying the "me" time,... no haven't employed a maid yet, need something to do with my day...yes...thank you and you...nice chatting'

and that's it.......

I used to be Suzanne, married to Peter, 3 boys and 2 step children, work for the Football Association in Child Welfare and teach at Worcester College of Technology....... can you imagine how many more questions used to arise from that statement...now I feel like I'm trying to prove something if I say WHAT I used to be....

Silent Sunday

My favourite thing in the house

This is my Upstairs, Downstairs basket.

This prticular one is about 5 years old and lives on the stairs.All day I pick things up from various rooms, football boots by the frontdoor, a school tie that has been dropped, mobile phone charger, various bits of toys, washing and towels.

The rule is, if you are passing it, pick it up and take it with you, remove items and either put away or put them in the room they belong if not yours.

Hubby manages to overlook it on every trip and sounds surprised it's there, when I remind him of it's purpose.

You can guarentee, every day that someone is looking for something....I say 'have you tried the upstairs, downstairs box?'
The reply 'thanks mum, I've got it now'

23 Tweet ups

In no particular order
1st tweet up didn't work out...not as much in common as the tweets indicated, but I had a nice few visits and it didn't stop me.

@mediocre_mum many, many visits...her and family to ours, us to them on xmas day, a twuneral,(@elladickenson was there) over night stays when I was working in London, many pub trips and a weekend away with #twitsfortits, great fun, great friend, her daughter yells..it's chickenruby and won't accept my name is Suzanne.

@annieqpr on her birthday with @mediocre_mum...a QPR nut, mnay occassions to the pub where shes drunk white wine with ice cubes and even walked home one night with her glass still full, met hubby on xmas eve and two adorable kids.

@cbolam and her hubby and son - in the pub on xmas day, one and only visit before we , would love to see her again.

@captaintom3 and @mrstom and their lovely son, descended on them with youngest and @blakey108 whilst camping in sussex, turned up early for breakfast and had @captaintom3 fetching us from train station, very late at night when we missed our train coming back from Wembley.

@stephiemalverns - yep from Malvern, lived round the corner, many fun nights line dancing and lots of visits to the pub.

@welsh_si and @ladywl - met in Starbucks in Newport for a coffee, took hubby along for first tweet up with them, later joined them with @ianlatham and family for breakfast one week and @amandalatham popped along.

@mustntgrumble - hadn't really interacted a great deal on twitter, but went on a training course in Northants and we met in the local pub, loads of things in common, mainly kids but same tolerance levels of life.

Arh yes the football #BCFC
@knutroger from Norway to see Liverpool play.
@jenfortnum who popped down from her seat to say hi.
@stevanegg in Mcdonalds and the pub prior to kick off and a lend of his sons season ticket.
@kevb8ll and his son after a match, outside the club shop.

#twits for tits
first met @gawnee and @beachhut81 in Neros in Winchester, took son for job interview and they popped over for the afternoon.
@pennynash lives near by husbands aunt and uncle...Penny took me on a route march around the Lee on Solent, in her wellies and thick winter jacket (it was May)
The we all met up again for a weekend away with @mediocre_mum in Wales on a cancer charity walk, fundraising via twitter. Janes boots fell apart and Chrissie had some evil blisters.

@wondernat and family on the beach at Eastbourne for the airshow...we actually met the previous year discussing the airshow with one another.

@becksbissel at her 40th birthday party, nearly met @Justin_A but he got lost and we left early.

@bob_the_nurse - always tweeting beep beep on our way to MIL in Bath, finally tweeted up in the pub in her home town (yes she really is a she) 1st meeting was cancelled due to us breaking down.

I met @chris_swan on a train to Birmingham, we chatted, she was palying with her phone, I asked if she tweeted, she did, we added one another then discovered we both taught at the same college and followed the same people.

I've not met @dawnmcwilly, but we posted oneanother sweets across the atlantic.

Same with @julesey10 we've chatted on the phone..does that count.

and finally @rydlewis...never met him, but he works with my BIL who says he's a great guy.

....so who's next...I'm hoping it's @By_Mercia this weekend at the local Mall...I'm a quick worker....

If I've forgotten anyone *crosses fingers* I'm sorry, I'll add you somewhere in the middle and no-one will ever know...

Has anyone seen the holiday rep?

This post was written 5 weeks ago, I just forgot to publish it.


We haven't really had time to relax and enjoy South Africa yet, we hit the ground running and if you've read previous blogs you'll see what's been keeping us so busy.

When you go on your holidays, you enter into a contract with the airline and the hotel etc, you purchase insurance (we forgot one year when we went to America)and if you miss your plane due to air traffic control or baggage handlers strike, there's some inconvenience, but it all gets sorted for you, eventually. Should you have any problems with your accommodation or you are taken ill, ring down to reception and they were either sort it out for you or let you when your holiday rep is in next. When you get home some 2-3 weeks later and a problem wasn't resolved and you have evidence you can make a claim. (in theory)

When you emigrate you don't get that help, and unlike being on holiday where you rest, read a book and explore, we had to open bank accounts, buy a car, get mobile phones, find somewhere to live, deal with a different way of doing things and try to understand this medical aid stuff by finding drs and dentists. We had to get the water and electric switched on and all in a country with some of the highest crime figures in the world, a two year visa which prevents you from getting a loan as you may be Nigerian and considered a flight risk, and requires you to pay 50% deposit up front and the rest within the 2 yrs.......

And not a bloody holiday rep in sight

Top Gear - you let me down

It started as a bit of a laugh with my 16 yo son getting fed up of my constant complaining about the quality of tea here and suggested I contact Top Gear to see if they'd bring some PG Tips over for me when they came to Kyalami on the weekend.

http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/02/help-neededsend-tea-bags.html

I emailed, I tweeted, I had numerous retweets but no response from @BBCTop_Gear.

On Sunday we went to see Top Gear, we had a brilliant day, the weather held off till just as we got on the bus to go home. We watched them bungey jumping with cars, we saw Stirling Moss, The Stig. May in a Twingo and Sabrine in a Megan race David Coultard in a Formula 1 car, and finally we saw Clarkson...

what was he doing?....nothing, he walked down the steps on the opposite side of the track, stood there, and took a swig from his mug of tea before wandering off...do you think he knew I was there and tealess? Could've made me one.

Too much baggage

I’m not talking emotions.
Our furniture was removed from our house on December 23rd 2010 and since then the 4 of us have lived out of 9 suitcases and 4 hand luggage bags and most of that stuff was winter clothing as we didn’t leave the UK until the 18th January.
Our container was due into Durban on March the 4th. We moved into our permanent address on March the 1st and up till that date we were in temporary accommodation, which was very basic, we bought a few things we needed such as towels, a measuring jug and a baking tray to supplement the apartment equipment.
We also purchased some picnic stuff, cutlery and plastic plates etc to use in the new house and a King size bed for us and 2 singles for the kids which we’re now using in the spare room now our furniture has arrived.
We got rid of so much stuff before we left the UK as we were led to believe our furniture wouldn’t arrive until the end of April and we didn’t want to double up on stuff, but we’ve managed well, the only additional stuff we have now is bedding and towels. But we’re hoping for lots of visitors who can use it all. The furniture arrived on March 13th...see previous posts for the hassle there.
So what about all the other stuff? We’ve lived without it all for 3 months, so what’s the rush to unpack it all?
So the stuff from the attic has gone straight into the wine cellar...well wine won’t last long enough to be stored will it?
The photos albums haven’t been looked at and have gone straight into the cupboards in the guest room.
The guitars/amps/clarinet and other instruments are still in their bubble wrap.
Toys have been put into rooms, nice and tidy in boxes then promptly spread all over the floor. The outdoor toys are being used frequently...dumped in the pool.
The furniture is assembled, the clothes put away, kitchen all unpacked and all being used, the ornaments remain boxed as I’m waiting for the electrician to come to re wire the plugs so I can’t put the display cabinet into place yet.
So that’s it then....we’re here, we’ve arrived...we’re going to stay...I’m not bloody going through all of this again.

And to add to all of that...I now have a large collection of cardboard boxes.

Overload - but twitter helped

well that’s it…we’ve arrived.
This is my new home, all the furniture is in, unpacked…just a bit of re jiggling and we’re done…so now what?

It’s been a very stressful time for all of us…Peter in a new job, well same job, new country and way of working, different work culture and covering a much larger geographical area and managing more people.
Kids in a new school, new friends, new languages away from their dad and the very large and close knit family.

Kids have made some great friends and most of Peter’s work colleagues have been really helpful with advice and places to go and visit, but other than than we’ve had to do everything on our own.

I’m on my own all day, I have the gardener and the pool guy to speak to, but to be honest that’s out of politeness only. I visit a couple of cafes on a regular basis and seem to be a bit of a novelty being English as they’re aren’t many of us here.

We live in Centurion which is an Afrikaans area and their love of the English is not great. I’ve had a couple of encounters with Afrikaans because of my country of origin, guess it’s something I’ll have to get used to, but won’t tolerate…just got to learn to keep my mouth shut and walk away.

Yesterday the kids were watching Top Gear at Kyalami and as I’m not a petrol head I wondered off for a coffee and a cigarette. There were thousands of people there and everyone was getting knocked and bumped into, lots of smiles and apologies and ‘after you’ As I walked off there was a mad rush to get up the step to where Clarkson was standing and as I moved through the crowd I bumped into a gentleman, as I turned to apologise he shoved me from behind….I asked ‘what did you do that for?’ he started shouting at me that I was rude and to get out of his way….I replied ‘I’m sorry but there was no need to shove me’ his response was ‘don’t fucking mess me with lady’ and he shoved me again and sent me flying. He was white, 60+ and Afrikanns. I know this as someone muttered ‘bloody afikaans’ I stood there amazed, I didn’t swear, retaliate, I walked off stood behind a board and I cried. I found the first aid tent, asked if I could sit a while, explained what had happened, they gave me a tissue and left me to have a real good cry.

I was alone, Peter is in Europe this week with work, I had no one to turn to, no one to call, only the children were there and I’m not their responsibilty. At that moment in time I wanted to go home, back to the UK and the only friends I had were on twitter and boy they were a support, I recieved hugs and kisses, messages of support and understanding, some from people I tweet with regulary and others not so much that were on line and responded.

I calmed, I stopped crying, I found the kids, I told my 16yo son what had happened. He fetched me a drink, looked after Alex and we carried on and enjoyed the rest of our day.

By the time we drove home at 6pm I had the mother of all migraines, I needed sleep, medication, a cup of tea and looking after..again who is here to help me? No one just the kids, so Dan had to help me, he got Alex to tidy up his mess and get ready for bed, made sure all the lights were turned off and let me go to bed with a hot water bottle and a steaming mug of tea.

Still got a headache this morning…..Alex is entertaining himself with selotape and cardboard boxes, Dan will probably sit in front of the xbox/TV all day and I’ll stay here on the sofa with the laptop and my twitter friends

6 bed house for rent Malvern Worcestershire

Anyone looking to rent a house in Malvern, Worcestershire?
6 bed, 2 ensuite
Family sized bathroom and downstairs cloakroom
Large lounge
Conservatory
Kitchen and separate dining room
Detached
Parking for 2 cars on drive
Low maintainence gardens access both sides
Shed 10" x 12" smaller shed and storage for bikes
Within walking distance for 3 primary schools, 1 secondary school, train station and shops
http://www.jamesproperty.co.uk/Property/Residential/for-rent/Malvern/Worcs/JMP67

What happened next.....?

We were kept awake last night with the most amazing thunder storm, it was like watching National Geographic channel through the curtains, the skies were every colour you could imagine. At 2am the rain came down and I mean rain, like the stuff the UK had in 2007. The river burst it's banks, thankfully it doesn't flood our garden, flooding the 14th, 15th and 16th fairways. It made for an interesting journey to school and eventually it stopped raining around mid day. The river has receeded but is still very fast flowing.

At 10am (South African time - was due at 9am)the 'Discovery' man arrived, Medical Aid, to talk through with us how the system works and what we need to do. We're in our 9th week here and already had Dan rushed in by ambulance for a cricket injury and I've had a new front tooth after snapping it on a coat hanger (don't ask) The electrician and odd job man arrived during this to fix some of the faults with the house, nothing major, but we don't want billing for it as we're renting.

I made tea for Andrew, the odd job man, he speaks no English I speak no Afrikaans but we got on fine. I pointed, he fixed. The ideal man, what more could a girl ask for?...lol

At one point I asked the electrian to check the main fuse box, it's outside and the cover has broken exposing it to the elements. There are NO H&S laws here, loose wires and cables run everywhere. 'It's lekker' he said and as I pointed at the earth wire which was bare and had every other wire attached to it, Andrew swipped my hand away and flicked the main switch off, I assume that means it's not safe........

.........this triggered the house alarm, next thing I'm sat on the balcony having a fag when I hear this voice 'Ma'am are you ok?' I assumed it was the removal firm with our furniture as promised 'will be with you at 11am' I stand up, turn round and there's a man in combat gear, inside the house, gun drawn, held steady in both hands.....well...OMG....I discovered my natural fight or flight instinct, I had neither, I managed to keep control of my baldder though. Turns out he's from the security firm and as the alarm had been triggered he had been dispatched to the house within 5 mins. Once he questioned who the two men were and I convinced him I was safe and they had permission to be here, he left.

It took an hour to calm down and when I did I realised the furniture was late....I called the office....'oh dear this is serious, we'll call you back, they left Jo'burg over 3 hours ago, we're 45 mins drive from there at the most, they didn't call back for an hour, I'm panicking, I'm sweating, I'm going through every box in my mind, just what have we lost....the phone rings....'we've not got your furniture, customs refused to release it, incorrect paperwork...more money.....' I switch off listening, then the anger kicks in.....'No more storage charges, no more excuses, furniture delivered by 9am tomorrow morning or I will seek legal advice' (It's an international removal company we hired) 'we'll do our best, Ma'am' so we'll see I'll let you know in the morning what's going on....fingers crossed.

Cultural differences

We'd been in the country less than two weeks and I was summoned to meet Alexs teachers grade 6 (Uk yr 7) as they were concerned about his education, in particular his lack of South African history and Geography. Mmmmmm now let me think about that...do they really think that's an issue? Or are they just plain stupid. I suggested they quiz him on his European knowledge and the countries he has visited. Their response we don't do that till grade 9. My response yeah and? FFS what the he'll did they expect?

Racial abuse or have I met the biggest twat in SA

Tonight we went to a golf do organised by the boys school on the estate we live on,for the presentations for the days golf that Peter took part in. We were seated next to the obnoxious table, you know the type think they own the place, lobbing cutlery and crockery at one another then started throwing ice cubes, some hit our table peter asked them to stop, so they threw more, while peter was getting into an argument with one bloke i polietly asked another to stop doing it, he replied are you fucking english, fuck off and get your hockey stick out your arse, i said being english had nothing to do with it and would he stop, he asked again are you fucking english i replied are you a fucking twat and walked off, as i sat down he stood up, hes at least 6ft 5 and threw a small block of ice directly at m e, which hit me squarely on the head, it broke the skin and was bleeding and i have a nice raised bruised on my hair line, everyone was apologetic, peter and another bloke who is from SA, challenged him and he was racially abusive to peter and myself calling us c***s and to fuck off back to uk. This tosser is white, was pissed and deliberatly threw the ice at me because i was english, it was a racially motivated assult, im physically ok but very shaken up. he was asked to leave the premisies and has been black balled from all future events at the golf course and school functions, he apologised because he was embarrased in front of his friends.....and yes he is a fucking twat